I have had my phone for 6 months. But I am still getting frequent texts and voicemail messages for the former owner of my number. Apparently my phone number previously belonged to Laquisha. Seriously. Laquisha.
Then my brother recommended I download an app. --some kind of call or text blocker. And while that is a great idea... who would take all of Laquisha's messages for her?
So I now have a new voice mail recording on my phone:
Hi. I know you are probably calling for Laquisha. As you may have guessed, I am not her. However, if you would like to leave a message I will write it down. I am collecting all of her messages as I may run into her one day. So please feel free to tell me whatever you would like to tell Laquisha. I am a therapist, so confidentiality is of course of the utmost importance. In fact, if you would like to leave some really personal information on my voicemail, feel free. If you require therapy services, maybe we can work out an arrangement. But I am not cheap. Well, I was once accused of being cheap, but that is in my past. Oh, and I am writing a book. So you may be in it. Don’t worry, all names will be changed to protect anonymity. (…except for those who have crossed me. I will leave their names in the book.) So just leave me your message for Laquisha and I will do my best to locate her and pass it on.
P.S. If you happen to see Laquisha tell her that Veronique called and wants her hair weave back. It sounded rather urgent.
