I went to the 9th grade prom with Joe. He was very shy and sweet and kind and I thought he was the best-looking guy at our school. I couldn't believe that he asked me to go with him. I was the luckiest 14-year-old girl on the planet. About 10 years ago we reconnected through the internet. It didn't matter that I lived thousands of miles away in Europe--or that we had not seen one another since high school. We emailed each other over those 10 years ....sometimes we would go months without writing and other times we would write every day, depending on what was going on in our lives. We became friends--sharing jokes, talking about our daily routines, sharing family photos and venting when we felt the need. Joe was an exceptional father. He raised his children mostly alone as their mother passed away early in life. He had two granddaugthers whom he adored and he loved spending time with them. Joe was a special guy. And we shared the same love of dry wit. We talked about how others sometimes misunderstood our humor and sarcasm. I was surprised how a painfully shy and quiet boy had grown up to be such a very funny guy.....always making me laugh. We made plans to meet when I was home in Michigan last year. Unfortunately Joe got very sick so we were unable to meet. Both of us were very disappointed. We promised that the next time---for sure ---we would do it. We even jokingly argued about who would pay for dinner. The last letter he wrote to me was a very long one. One in which he told me about some things that were troubling him deeply. He wrote "Sorry for all the crap, I don't mean to "unload" on you, it feels.................good, I guess, to at least get some of this out, or at least go back and read it for the ump-teenth time before I send it to you." I was glad to be there for him--- to listen. And I would give anything to be able to listen to him again today.
Tonight, with deep sadness, I learned that my friend Joe's life has tragically ended.
It breaks my heart to lose such a good friend....a special person. My world just got a little emptier.
And the whole world just lost a bit of brightness.
Joe Rothley, you will be forever missed.
xo
and now....because I know Joe would like this to end on a humorous note.....(if this looks familiar, I posted this on my blog Sept 15, 2010)
An actual conversation with Joe......
He said: Well, in January when I got up to 212 pounds, I said to myself, "Self--you gotta do something." So I started eating better, working out, riding my bike, and in general, just taking better care of myself.
Me: That's funny--I had the same conversation with myself...to which my "Self" replied, "Shut up bitch and pass the Doritos."
This conversation made him laugh. And then we both laughed together.
How do you explain a broken heart? How can you convey to others that something has happened to you that is so painful that it has changed you forever? This is the problem many of us who knew Joe are struggling with. You see, when someone like Joe is there, everything is ok and the world seems in balance. But as soon as he’s gone, that balance is lost and everything seems wrong. Joe was taken away from us and now the world’s balance is off. Not just because he’s gone, but because of how he was taken from us. Perhaps a car accident or a heart attack would have made it even just a little bit less painful, but this? This seems like it could have been avoidable even though he wasn’t able to avoid it himself. But I guess we really can’t say that for sure. Perhaps we just want to convince ourselves that he may have at-least had some sort of chance. How do you now make sense of something that doesn’t make any rational sense? This is now our challenge. Those of us left behind must now try to reestablish the balance we once had in our lives while missing one vitally important piece of it. The landscape of our future is forever changed without that ever-important piece. A new piece can’t be formed. A new piece can’t be substituted. How do we get our balance back? We can’t.
ReplyDeleteI miss you Joe.
Cousin Rich
Thank you Rich--for the beautiful words. ~t
ReplyDelete