For those who have time to burn.....here are my tales of cat vomit, culture shock American-style, faux pas involving large turds and lingerie (not in the same stories thankfully), Gynecology exams gone awry, and other misadventures.....all true (although at times, names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent).
Critical instructions for visiting the Andersons in ARRR-CAN-SAW~
1. Be sure to bring several pairs of pants with an elastic waist. These will provide you with countless hours of comfort after the many fabulous meals, snacks and desserts. 2. Save approximately 500-1000 dollars prior to your visit. This will be be needed to buy your new wardrobe after your visit (two sizes bigger than what you previously wore). 3. Before visiting take an assertiveness training class. This will enable you to say NO when faced with the endless conveyor belt of delicious, tempting dishes that will be presented to you every 45 minutes or so. 4. You may consider bringing a dog (he will be of service when you need to slip half of your HUGE meal to him under the table). 5. Pack a good pair of running shoes and exercise clothes. You will need them so that you can work out in between feedings. 6. Fast for at least 3 months prior to visiting. This may or may not help. 7. Invest in a good stock so that you will have some funds saved for the lipo your hips and ass will need after the multitude of rich desserts you will be feasting on.
I sure wish I had had these tips prior to my visit. But I didn't.
So now I am heading to Wal-Mart to buy some extra-extra-large elastic-waistband pants. Several pair.
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