The other day my cell phone rang while I was in my office. This caught me off-guard for a number of reasons. One--I never leave my phone on while at work (cuz nothing says "I care" like your therapist's cell phone ringing in the middle of your sharing-of-deep-dark-secrets moment). Two--my phone is rarely used. I think only 3 people have my number. I use it mostly for emergencies. And reason number Three.....well, that will be clear to you soon. So anyway....I was really startled when it rang. I answered--
Me: Hello? (didn't recognize the number and had no idea who could be calling)
Guy: Heeeeeeeey! Guess who this is!
Me: um....don't know. no idea.
Guy: It's RICHARD!!
Me: Ohhhhh...(my cousin Rich in Michigan!) Hey--how are you? how did you get this number?
Cousin Rich: Well you sent it to me a long time ago and I saved it all this time!
Me: (thinking back....oh yeah---sometimes I use the phone when I am in Michigan--must have given it to him when we were making plans to meet up during one of my visits)....So how are you? What have you been doing?
At this point the conversation goes on for about 15 minutes, each of us sharing info about our jobs and other general life stuff. But we had a bad connection and at times it was hard to make out what he was saying. But the conversation continued.....
Me: So what else have you been up to? Anything fun or interesting?
Cousin Rich: Not much really....just went on a vacation. Took the wife to Hawaii.
Me: (silence) (thinking....what? when did Rich get married? this is weird......I never heard about him getting married. Maybe this isn't my cousin Rich. Well then who is it dammit? We have been talking for 20 minutes now, if it's not him I am going to be so embarrassed.)
Me: (casually) Well, that sounds like a nice vacation. Hey, where are you calling from? (my clever tactic to verify that it is Cousin Rich or to find out who it is without admitting I don't know who it is.)
Possibly-Cousin-Rich: I'm calling from Belgium! Yeah this is great talking to you! I was just telling someone all about you the other day!
Me: (dammit!! it is NOT cousin Rich-in-Michigan! Ok....calm down....you can do this....you can figure out who it is and be slick about it. He will never know that you never knew who you were talking to.....just be clever and careful.)
Me: Hey Rich.....we have a very bad connection. Can you call me right back on my work phone?
Not-Cousin-Rich: Sure --give me the number.......
We hang up...Great! now I have gained a few minutes to scour my brain and try to figure out who I know in Belgium named Rich. Now don't be too harsh on me here......I lived in Belgium for 15 years and many of my friends and co-workers would come and go----military and civilian tours lasted from 2-5 years typically. So in 15 years....many friends came and went. (phone rings) Dammit! I still can't remember anyone named Rich in Belgium! OK, OK, get it together....you can still do this.....
Me: Tanya Oskey (how I answer my phone at work)
Not-Cousin-Rich: Can I speak to Kim Perino?
Kim Perino!!!??????? BRAIN STALL!.......now my brain stalls and then goes immediately into overdrive.....thinking....thinking....what is happening here????? let's see....WAIT! I KNOW! I stayed with Kim Perino in Washington DC for 3 months in 2010. She gave me a phone to use....and when I left, I took her phone chip and put it in my new phone as I wanted to keep the same phone number since my job contacts all had that number. OH MY GOD! Not-Cousin-Rich called Kim's old number, which is now my number, and he thinks he is talking to Kim!
Now all these thoughts fly through my mind in a millisecond.....and so back to the call from Not-Cousin-Rich.....
Me: Tanya Oskey (how I answer my phone at work)
Not-Cousin-Rich: Can I speak to Kim Perino?
Me: (after my millisecond of horrifying realization my now-frozen brain is not working properly, so I reply with the first thing that comes into my head....)
Me: I'm sorry she is not here right now. (WHAT did I just say!!??? Oh god---I am such an idiot!!)
Kim's-friend-Rich: (sounding confused) But I was just talking to her.....she told me to call her at this number.
Me: (in too deep now) Well, um, she just stepped out. Call back later. (WHAT!! What the hell am I saying!!)
Kim's-friend-Rich: (sounding a bit let-down) OK---I guess.
We hang up for the second time.
So now I sit at my desk, knowing the situation is hopeless. What are my options?...."hey, Kim's-friend-Rich, guess what....you are really going to laugh at this......you were never talking to Kim at all! It was just me, her friend (more-than-likely-ex-friend-now). Isn't that a scream!"
Oh god---I can't do that. I am an idiot. What to do....what to do...
phone rings again.
CRAP!
Me: Tanya Oskey
My-ex-friend-Kim's-friend-Rich: Can I speak to Kim Perino?
Me: She is not here. (in waaay too deep without another plan....might as well dig deeper)
My-ex-friend-Kim's-friend-Rich: Well, when will she be back?
Me: Not sure really, but thanks for calling.
Poor Rich--he never got in touch with Kim. Poor Kim--she never got her call from Rich.
Poor me---I'm so screwed.
(and now I have that third very good reason to never leave my phone on while at work)
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