cuz i’m bored of hanging out in your cold

everyone wants to be around you when you are laughing and funny and helpful and upbeat ............but take a close look at who is at your side when you are not having a great day----...when you are feeling down and you find it difficult to smile. who are those friends who help you laugh again.....who don't leave you behind....who aren't too busy...who don't leave you in the dark....

those are the people to keep near to you...they will warm you on even the coldest of days. and you know that you too would venture into the darkness and cold to find them if they were lost out there...alone.

true friends. how many do you have?

Happy New Year

If you read the front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle on Thursday, Dec 15, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

The fifty-foot whale was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her her tail, her torso and a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallone Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her - a very dangerous proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around - she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate in the New Year -to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

It can be rough in Slovenia

ok.........what is the DEAL with slovenian toilet paper!!?? i mean, in general european toilet paper is pretty rough.........but slovenian toilet paper is something different altogether! so what is it? is it that for some reason the toilet paper processing plants just don't possess the technology to make softer tp? or is it that slovenians have never used soft tissue, so they really don't know what they are missing? or is it that perhaps slovenians happen to have extra resilient asses, so they can tolerate a little roughness? or maybe their diet is very grainy and therefore they need a little more texture? (lets not dwell on that possibility for too long), or perhaps soft toilet paper is outrageously expensive and they just can't afford it or that soft paper is so rare in their country because maybe it has to be imported............well whatever the reason........i am glad to be back home to my charmin. (let me add that slovenia, in spite of its toilet paper deficiencies, is an absolutely beautiful country, the mountains, the fall colors, the snow capped alps, the sea green lakes.........something to experience)

Delirium--Part 2

it's late and i am tired............unfortunately i had a coke just a few hours ago and the caffeine is surging through my veins and making my mind spin. so now my eyes are burning from fatigue yet i am restless and wired. remind me not to drink coke so late agian......

my guests leave tomorow...........then it's back to work and all the crap that goes along with it. i can feel my blood pressure going up already.

what else is new? .....well...... i got my haircut and although i CLEARLY indicated i only wanted a trim, the idiot cut 3 inches off.....then i broke 3 nails this week....and i am sure i gained weight the last few weeks while on vacation and now i will have to work out even more to get it back off (and exercising is one of my least favorite activities.....it's right up there with poking my eye out with scissors and root canals). so i have that to look forward to this week. oh and did i mention that i get to have a mammogram tomorrow on my last day of vacation? nothing like having your breasts smashed to the same thickness as a sheet of paper to spice up your monday.

alright..........enough complaining........i need to get some sleeeeep. i am becoming silly and delirious.

goodnight!

castles and toast

just returned from 4 days in the loire valley france-------------so beautiful and peaceful there. the sunset the last night there was amazing. the fairytale castles sparked old memories. the people were .............well, the people were french. that pretty much says it all.

now i am home........the sun is shining.......my cats are following me around like my shadows.............and my life continues ---like one big blur. time moving faster and faster no matter what i do to try to slow it down.

i think i will go eat some toast.

permanent chocolate

as you may (or may not) know, the sun is not my friend. being a redhead, i never tan, almost always burn, and end up with an explosion of freckles whenever i am in the sun. lately i have been a bit remiss about slathering on my daily dose of sunscreen (mostly due to the lack of sun and also laziness on my part). anyway...today i noticed that i had a bit of what appeared to be chocolate in the corner of my mouth. so i licked at it with my tongue. and again. and again. UGH! it's a freckle! right there, in the corner of my mouth! a nice light brown dot.........that looks exactly like a bit of chocolate next to my lip. all i can say is------i can't wait for winter.............

cleaning lady wisdom

ok. i have a cleaning lady. not because i am rich and spoiled (alright...i am a bit spoiled), but because it is affordable in belgium.

so here i am ---at home while she is here cleaning. and while she is cleaning the kitchen she tells me that my garbage stinks. well, i didn't know what to say really. i mean, isn't garbage supposed to smell bad? in fact, i can't recall ever smelling garbage that had a nice pleasant scent. and while i am pondering her proclamation, she then goes on to tell me that i have a lot of laundry to do. and why is she telling me this? i have no idea. but she did manage to make me feel a bit guilty about it. like i should be washing laundry and doing something to make my garbage smell better rather than sitting at my computer!

i think i will make sure i am out of the house next time she cleans.

lavender skies

as i walked the road, i looked to my right and watched the sun set........a lovely shade of lavender, which then morphed into a blazing rose on fire. much to my surprise i turned to my left and there was the orange moon........the one i have been missing. it sat low on the horizon and seemed to be there answering the call of that rose-colored sunset. the air was still and silent and smelled of cut grain. i love these cool nights where the air on my face is soft and biting all at once. i made my way home thinking of how lucky i am to have been caught between that amazing sunset and my orange moon.

random thoughts

it is after midnight...

ok...i am back from my trip to venice italy.........went to a conference on treating post traumatic stress disorder...but more importantly-----I WAS IN VENICE! it is just as i remembered it---beautiful, charming, bursting with character and history. and of course, just like before...i felt like a rat in a maze. but a very nice maze. (and one with delicious gelato on every corner!)

so now i am back and have this week off. went to a gorgeous castle yesterday (in belgium)........chateau lavaux st.anne. --------fantastic really. the castle is surrounded by a moat and four towers (ok..........i know that sounds so unoriginal, but it really does have a unique style).

there is a full moon out tonight........there is a cool night breeze coming in my window....and i can hear the river from here. it is so dark and peaceful .............i think i will go to sleeeeeeep now.
goodnight

dice

the dice game was a lot of crazy fun last night. we had the usual cast of characters.....such as, lisa (giving everyone detailed instructions and trying to change the game rules), chris (all night snapping the rubber gloves he was wearing....don't ask) and colleen (taking pics of breasts for her book.....again, don't ask).

we ate and drank all night and now i am going to pay for it (i'll have to walk for 3 days straight to work it all off).......but i know deep down inside of me there is a really skinny, supermodel-thin girl just screaming to get out! (fortunately i can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.)

almost perfect

this is nearly the perfect place to live............i can sit at my window and look out into the forest and hear a bagpipe player practicing on the wooded path. it is dusk and as the sun sinks a hush blankets the trees and everything seems so still, like in a painting. i smell grass and the cool country air (which means i can smell the cows which are in the pasture across the way! haaa!).......that bagpipe player----he doesn't know how he made my evening so special. so a warm thanks to him tonight.

a taste of orange

ugh. it's toooooooo hot here now. freckles are exploding on me everywhere, in spite of my layers of sunscreen armor. so today i went to the forest to go kayaking (in search of a breeze and some relief from the heat).aaaaaaaaaaaaaah... it was perfect. cooler, breezier, very quiet, and relaxed. (and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich never tasted better!...the river seems to do something to pb &j) not a cloud in sight, but there was that milky half moon, sharing the sky with the blazing sun. the ducks didn't mind sharing water space and the birds dive bombed the surface for unlucky water bugs.

and now, hours later, i sit here eating an orange popsicle and try to keep cool...remembering the day (and hoping my tongue isn't still orange when i go to work tomorrow)

Midnight Blues

it was later than late. too late really. the sky was midnight blue with stars scattered about. the wind in the trees was sounding like rushing water. and the smell of woodsmoke made me nostalgic. i was alone. walking so late at night. alone in my head. alone in my heart.

have you ever been waiting for something to happen? just waiting and waiting? you don't want to wait, but you know you have to, it's all part of the plan. and you have to learn to enjoy the waiting just as much as you enjoy the end result. but it's so hard to do. i think that it is really part of the test. can you enjoy the ride? can you enjoy waiting in line for the ride? and how will you feel when the ride ends?

no moon and that midnight blue sky. and the warm summer night claws at my brain---making me think useless thoughts.

Moments to remember

thoughts for the day---
beauty really does come from the inside.
you shouldn't compare yourself to others.
those who make you smile are the ones who you need close to your heart.
remember those moments in your life...the ones that warm your heart and make your spirit soar.....

some of my moments are............

when i was about 10, the prettiest little girl i knew (whom i envied for her beautiful blonde curls and cute face) looked at me and told ME that she thought i was so pretty.

when in 5th grade i won a contest (that i didn't even know my teacher entered me into) for having the best writing in my creative writing book in the entire city

when i wrote an essay (in less than 20 minutes, just before class) in 11th grade and after reading it outloud, the class was silent and then someone asked "did you really write that?"

when i went to my dad's wedding in spite of all that had transpired..........i went so my younger teen-age brother wouldn't have to go alone.

when i got the job in japan

when 6 year old mary (a victim of a pedophile) was on the stand, and the defense attorney asked her if miss tanya, her therapist, told her what to say when she came to court...........and mary answered yes (there was a gleam in that attorneys eye).........and he asked "so what did she tell you to say"....and mary answered................"the truth"

when i spent a night with my grandma and sat with her and wrote out all 75 of her christmas cards for her............ because she could no longer write and sending out cards to family and friends was so important to her.

when i did my first professional hypnosis show in belgium and it was a big success

and there it was.....it read...."This year will be a time when you will realize the futility of certain dreams and detach in order to set a new horizon to your aspirations. Thoughts will be inwardly bound so the difference between a dream and desire will be clear with creative intelligence functioning at its peak. Efforts will increase to bring into focus the possibilities of destiny and what your core contains. Sudden gain through powerful friends is indicated and the true friend will segregate from all and sundry. New friendships with the opposite members will bring you happiness. There will be some amount of obstacles but with care, caution and patience things will sort out." ...........now THAT is fate... beautiful fate.