You are not in Oz anymore Dorothy

I have been in Washington DC now for 3 weeks.....and I feel as though I am in a foreign country (which technically I am--after living overseas for 21 years)...I am now in the land of the BIG. ---big houses, big cars, big gulps, big portions, big stores, big asses....and it is giving me a BIG headache. I knew I would have some culture shock but this is ridiculous. And now I have Atlanta to look forward to----some more culture shock----fried-up southern style. I will be like some freak down there...unable to understand a single word they say, unable to figure out how to use the credit card swiping machines at every checkout counter (they don't have them in stores in Europe--because credit cards are not frequently used--if at all---), and unable to choose simple things, like a deodorant ...when shopping-- due to the hundreds of choices (in Belgium, I had 5 to pick from). Things have changed in the US since I lived here back in 1989. Speed eating is the accepted norm... and I now have 362 TV channels (with nothing interesting on at all) compared to the 7 channels I had in Belgium (also with nothing interesting on at all). And styles are different here from those in Europe. Like---what is up with the ultra-long toenails on women? They stick out an inch past the toes! Not only do I find that disturbing--it looks a bit dangerous.....I keep wondering things like---Do they have to buy a bigger shoe to accommodate those extra long daggers? Do they puncture holes in their socks? (and stockings must surely be shredded by lunchtime) And what about their husbands?! Do they have big gashes on their legs from where those weapons of flesh destruction tear at their legs all night? And since when did wearing your breasts under your chin become fashionable? I see all the young girls wearing those push-up bras that practically lift them up around their necks. It's all a bit much for me. I need a waffle and a glass of wine.....