More culture shock....these things did not exist when I last lived in the USA:
*I was in Rite-Aid.. or was it CVS?....or Walgreens? It was one of those on-every-corner drug stores----and I was wandering around checking out all the stuff-you-never-need/want. And there in front of me were....Press on Toe-nails! Now, seriously-- Press/glue on plastic nails are bad enough--but stick-on TOE NAILS?! So there I was staring at these fake toe-nails. I was somewhat horrified and yet I found myself strangely drawn to look at them closer. In the package there were two big nails and then a bunch of little ones to stick over your own toenails. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or run screaming with madness from the store.
*What is the deal with all of the "As Seen on TV!" products? Isn't pretty much everything "seen on TV"? Seems like a tricky marketing ploy. Why not try for "As Seen in the Mall!" or "As Read About Online!" or "As Seen in Your Friend's House" or "As Seen in This Store on This Shelf!"--all of those seem just as good.
*(I love this one). Television commercials that go like this: "Hey--ask your doctor about Superla-Anti-depression drug! Works great! You will feel wonderful and happy and life will be so light and care-free! However, Superla may cause leg cramps, heart problems, and brain tumors. Oh, and it might also result in dizziness that will cause you to lay in bed all day, blurred vision or blindness and explosive diarrhea and severe ass-rash. You may also develop a rare blood disease, a skin condition with oozing sores or bleeding hemorrhoids. But hey--you will no longer be depressed and will so feel happy that you won't care about all that stuff! So ask your doctor about Superla today!
*Restaurants: Can I PLEASE eat without being interrupted every 5 minutes by my server?! I want to enjoy my meal and conversation with my dining companion without some loud waitress/waiter barging up to the table practically screaming "IS EVERYTHING OK? DO YOU WANT ANYTHING ELSE? WOULD YOU LIKE DESSERT? ARE YOU FINISHED WITH THAT? WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WRAP IT UP? HERE IS YOUR CHECK! DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT UP FOR YOU?" He/she might as well add "DO YOU NEED ME TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR COAT? CUZ YOU WILL BE LEAVING SOON, RIGHT?"
And while I am on the subject of restaurants-- it seems strange, after living in the land of waffles for 14 years, to come to southern USA and find a WAFFLE HOUSE on nearly every corner. Kind of odd. It would be like having a Sloppy Joe Shack in the heart of the Grand Place in Brussels---completely out of place. OH, and we passed a place yesterday called "Dutch Monkey Doughnuts". What is that all about? I was in the Netherlands almost weekly and I never saw a Dutch monkey (or any type of monkey). And they don't have doughnuts there either. (I tried to get Dallas to stop, but he refused---but I will be going back there to find out what a Dutch Monkey Doughnut is---so I willl keep you posted)
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