As my friend Diane was walking up the stairs behind me, she blurts out "My God you have lost a lot of weight Tanya!!" At this point I can only conclude one of the following:
a. she is in the midst of a psychotic episode and is suffering from serious delusions
b. she has just noticed the size of my ass. and being tired from her flight here (and famished after her 4.5 preztel in-flight snack), she is hoping that by giving me a compliment I will allow her to hop on and ride the rest of the way up the stairs
c. she has somehow lost one contact lens, giving my ass a new leaner perspective
d. she is the best friend ever and is hoping to lift my spirits over my ever-growing ass size by laying some blatant lies upon me
e. she bumped her head while exiting the aircraft
f. she has licked one-to-many candles and the candle wax bacteria has now affected her brain functioning and or eyesight
g. my staircase is narrow and that coupled with the poor lighting gives my ass the best perspective possible (in which case I will always insist on going up first, in front of my guests)
h. she is starving (remember that 4.5 pretzel in-flight snack?) and is hoping that by buttering me up, I will make her something good to eat
i. my mirrors are all defective and are making my ass look larger than it really is (if I follow this theory that would also mean that all the mirrors in stores, at work, ...oh --and window reflections too, are all defective)Well---whatever the case----THANK YOU DIANE!!! And may I always benefit from your delusions, hallucinations, misperceptions, blatant lies and/or eyeball malfuntions!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment