Is it time for your rear alignment?

Voicemail message left for me:  (In a severely heavy Southern accent)....Hello.  This is Wanda from Dr. Loran's office.  I am calling to remind you about your appointment next Friday, March 25th at 10 AM.  Please come in 20 minutes early for your ANAL exam.  

WHAT???  What did she say?  I replay the message.  ----um. .....WHAT??!!  Why do I need an ANAL exam?!!!  This can't be right.  She must have called the wrong person. 

Me:  Hi.  This is Tanya Oskey calling.  You called me and left a message on my voicemail....

Wanda:  Good morning Mrs. Oskey.  Yes, I was calling to remind you about your appointment. 

Me:  Yes, about that appointment......I think you must have me confused with another patient.  What kind of appointment do you have me down for? 

Wanda:  This appointment is for your ANAL exam.

Me: (stifling a choking sound)  Why do I need an ANAL exam?  I didn't schedule that!  And I don't think my anus needs any examining right now.  It seems fine.  Really.

(I think I was nearing tears at this point)

Wanda:  (after a few long moments of silence)  Mrs. Oskey.  (She now speaks slowly and a bit loudly, enunciating each syllable and word in an exaggerated manner)  This has nothing to do with your EYE-NIS.  This is your AIN-YELL exam.  AIN-YELL.  Your AIN-YELL check-up.  NOT AIN-ALL.  This has nothing to do with anything AIN-ALL.

Me:  (after a few long moments of silence---as my mind catches up with her accent).   Oh.  Oh yeah...my ANNUAL exam.  Got it.  OK.  Well, thanks.  I guess I will see you on Friday.  (And I wipe the tears from my eyes)

Once again....translation is not translation when living in the deep south. 

A bit of advice I sent to my niece on her 22nd birthday

Things I wish I had known when I was 22....1. stay out of the sun and wear sunscreen EVERYDAY (you think you look young now....but that sun is already making you age!) 2. enjoy the journey....even the lows--- the challenges and hard times in life are the times when we grow and learn and become better (we don't learn and grow much during the easy times) so be thankful even when times are rough 3. don't lose touch with the good people in your life, surround yourself with them. surround yourself with people who bring you joy. 4. LOSE the losers, the greedy, the shallow, the liars---no matter who they are. you don't need or want them in your life. 5. more money and material things do not make you happier. it's the people and experiences that bring depth, peace, and value to your life. 6. never stop learning. no matter what. no matter how old you are. (hence my new-found electric guitar interest) 7. let go of anger. most of the time it serves no purpose and just makes you look ugly. 8. be more patient --nothing is more beautiful. 9. don't stress....it all works out in the end (and you will look back and say to yourself "why was i so stressed about that---i wasted all my time worrying about something that never happened") just give yourself permission to worry when it really happens. not before. 10. have a sense of humor ---about everything. because really....most things are funny if you look at them from a certain angle. 11. get a cat. (or a dog)---but not until you have the time, energy and money to take care of it like it is your child. if you can't do that then DON'T get one! 12. don't rush to have kids . in fact, you can skip it altogether if you want.....nothing in life says you must have a child. (get a cat instead) 13. love the rain. there is beauty even in the grayest of days. 14. don't let time slip away. live life every day, enjoy the moments. plan for future and cherish and learn from the past. but keep yourself in the present (The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle----READ IT) and last but not least......15. be kind. to everyone. even those who treat you badly (they probably need it the most). you will be a better person for it. Well, I wish the 22 year old Tanya had this list----but here it is for you--my best advice to my younger mini-me! love you!! xoooxoo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICIA!