Voicemail message left for me: (In a severely heavy Southern accent)....Hello. This is Wanda from Dr. Loran's office. I am calling to remind you about your appointment next Friday, March 25th at 10 AM. Please come in 20 minutes early for your ANAL exam.
WHAT??? What did she say? I replay the message. ----um. .....WHAT??!! Why do I need an ANAL exam?!!! This can't be right. She must have called the wrong person.
Me: Hi. This is Tanya Oskey calling. You called me and left a message on my voicemail....
Wanda: Good morning Mrs. Oskey. Yes, I was calling to remind you about your appointment.
Me: Yes, about that appointment......I think you must have me confused with another patient. What kind of appointment do you have me down for?
Wanda: This appointment is for your ANAL exam.
Me: (stifling a choking sound) Why do I need an ANAL exam? I didn't schedule that! And I don't think my anus needs any examining right now. It seems fine. Really.
(I think I was nearing tears at this point)
Wanda: (after a few long moments of silence) Mrs. Oskey. (She now speaks slowly and a bit loudly, enunciating each syllable and word in an exaggerated manner) This has nothing to do with your EYE-NIS. This is your AIN-YELL exam. AIN-YELL. Your AIN-YELL check-up. NOT AIN-ALL. This has nothing to do with anything AIN-ALL.
Me: (after a few long moments of silence---as my mind catches up with her accent). Oh. Oh yeah...my ANNUAL exam. Got it. OK. Well, thanks. I guess I will see you on Friday. (And I wipe the tears from my eyes)
Once again....translation is not translation when living in the deep south.
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