Exfoliation...JAW-JA style

I am staying (semi-permanently it seems) at the "Extended Stay Hotel--DELUXE!" in Georgia (aka deep South to me).  This morning after showering I reached up to hang my nice light blue scrunchy sponge on the hook---after using it.....and there tangled inside the netting was a large brown bug (I have no idea what type of bug it was.  And I don't want to risk further repulsion and initiation of my gag reflex by looking it up online.) 

So apparently I recieved a bit of extra exfoliation today, courtesy of Mr. hangin'out-in-your-bath-scrubbie.  I guess he is just one of the "DELUXE" features of my hotel.  Well--thankfully I don't use that sponge to wash my face...but I did feel it necessary to check to ensure that I did not have any small brown bug legs dangling from my armpit. 

UPDATE

Oh yeah.....So Dallas flew in today and got to the room before I arrived home from work.  When I arrived home I asked....Did you take a shower already?  He says "Yes".  Did you use the blue bath sponge?  ---- "Yes".  I started laughing (imagining him scrubbing himself with that bug still peeking out of the bath scrubbie!  Because of course I just left it hanging there in the netting).  Then Dallas looked at me and said....."But I took the bug out first".  

DAMN IT!!

A Turd Out of Hand is Worth Two in the Tush

(This is a letter I wrote to my brother......to try to cheer him up when he was having a bad day---)

You think you have problems?  Here is a very personal situation that I have been dealing with.....Perhaps you can sympathize with my near-crisis.

I have been living in a hotel for several months.  And unfortunately, I have plugged up the toilet in this hotel at least once a week. Apparently I have very large turds. Or at least they must be larger than average. Or maybe they are just bigger than the average Georgian turd. In any case, they don't seem to fit down the small Georgian toilet pipes. So then I have to go to the front desk to request the plunger. So now, not only does the hotel clerk know, ....but everyone in the lobby also knows that I have extra wide turds.  In fact, I have needed the plunger so often, that Dallas refuses to go request the plunger...he certainly doesn't want everyone thinking his turds are huge.  And now, he is out of town...so I can't even try to convince him to go down and get it.  And my extra large morning turd has clogged the toilet once again. So I am faced with the difficult decision---do I go down to the lobby to request the plunger? (They go get it and then lift it up over the front desk to give it to you---practically waving it around in the air.  This ensures that everyone around can see that you have requested the plunger for your inhumanly large non-Georgian stuck-in-the-pipes turd). So---do I go and put myself through this humiliation again? (second time this week) Or do I wait--hoping that somehow the turd will eventually shrink or disintegrate a bit and become dislodged?? And while I am waiting I cannot use the toilet at all.. ....so this decision is crucial. (because at this very moment I have another large non-Georgian turd accumulating and increasing in size within my colon.) 

This is my dilemma.

So-- you think you have problems?   At least you are not walking around with a mammoth size turd peeking out of your ass.  Makes your problems seem small now doesn't it?

(And tomorrow I will be heading to the store to purchase a plunger of my very own.....)

UPDATE: Day 5 of being snowbound in JAW-JA.

Finally made it in to work today...around noon (after the sun hit the snow/ice and everyone has been driving on it all day, making it less slick in some places and even more slippery in others)....but I really need to get out.  I was down to grape kool-aid and peanuts.  I foolishly didn't heed the "state of emergency" warning and therefore didn't stock up on food and supplies.  Hey....I am from Michigan, where we sprinkle some salt around, plow the snow out of our way and go about our lives.  How was I to know that here in Georgia, we do none of that.  Instead we just sit around watching and waiting for the snow and ice to melt~

SNOW!

No work for me again today......believe it or not-----we are having a second "snow day" in the deep south (ok.....Georgia may not really qualify as the deep South....but there are days it feels like I am deep somewhere...or perhaps nowhere). The governor has declared a "State of Emergency "due to the (get ready) whopping 3.7 inches of snow!!....and he did this before the snow even started falling....so not even 4 inches of snow ----a walk in the park for Michigan is a calamity in JAW-JA.   But hey--I will accept the day off work graciously...like any Southern Belle would.
I was laughing on Sunday when they said on the news that the stores were running out of bread.....now it is day 2 and it looks like there will be a day 3 or maybe even a day 4 of being stranded. At this time I am wishing I had gone to the store to get "supplies" like the locals. I should know by now--"when in Rome..."~

In between the cover of another perfect wonder

And it's so white as snow

Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed

And there's nowhere to go

and I bet they thought...."Will we get caught?---Fat chance!"

Apparently being really fat has some advantages that have never occurred to me. 

Ailene Brown and Shmeco Thomas of Oklahoma attempted to steal $2,600 dollars of clothing and shoes at T.J.Maxx…not by using the usual shoplifting techniques but by actually concealing the stolen goods in their body fat and arm pits.  (I can't help but wonder if T.J. Maxx put the sweaty-arm-pit-smelling items back on the racks---Bet you can't shop there again without thinking about that.)  Among the items the ladies were packing: four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet and gloves.  Love handles can be used to carry quite a bit these days!! One of the women was able to fit three boots under her breast.  Really?  FOUR pairs of boots?! THREE under her breasts? Wow. (I just wanna know.....were these knee high boots?)   Well, I think these ladies must not be too bright.  I mean really.....they should have waited a few more years----you know, given themselves time to put on a few more pounds....and they could have walked away with a small vehicle hidden in those crevices.  Gives new meaning to the phrase "she carries around a spare tire".  I for one applaud their ingenuity.  Nothing shows your clever, creativeness like hiding merchandise in your fat rolls.  I bet they could smuggle additional carry-on luggage when flying, saving hundreds of dollars in baggage fees.  Or use those extra large creases in which to carry the kids around when getting groceries.  Hey! They could just forget the grocery cart altogether!  Simply cram the groceries in there too!  These thieves have opened up a whole new world of possibilities if you think about it.  Then again....don't think about it too much .... it really is pretty disgusting.

I'd like a pair in every color!  (I might need three hefty ladies to pull that one off)