Apparently being really fat has some advantages that have never occurred to me.
Ailene Brown and Shmeco Thomas of Oklahoma attempted to steal $2,600 dollars of clothing and shoes at T.J.Maxx…not by using the usual shoplifting techniques but by actually concealing the stolen goods in their body fat and arm pits. (I can't help but wonder if T.J. Maxx put the sweaty-arm-pit-smelling items back on the racks---Bet you can't shop there again without thinking about that.) Among the items the ladies were packing: four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet and gloves. Love handles can be used to carry quite a bit these days!! One of the women was able to fit three boots under her breast. Really? FOUR pairs of boots?! THREE under her breasts? Wow. (I just wanna know.....were these knee high boots?) Well, I think these ladies must not be too bright. I mean really.....they should have waited a few more years----you know, given themselves time to put on a few more pounds....and they could have walked away with a small vehicle hidden in those crevices. Gives new meaning to the phrase "she carries around a spare tire". I for one applaud their ingenuity. Nothing shows your clever, creativeness like hiding merchandise in your fat rolls. I bet they could smuggle additional carry-on luggage when flying, saving hundreds of dollars in baggage fees. Or use those extra large creases in which to carry the kids around when getting groceries. Hey! They could just forget the grocery cart altogether! Simply cram the groceries in there too! These thieves have opened up a whole new world of possibilities if you think about it. Then again....don't think about it too much .... it really is pretty disgusting.
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I'd like a pair in every color! (I might need three hefty ladies to pull that one off) |
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