Top Model in Kansas

I am back in Belgium after 5 weeks in the US. Wow! The people in Kansas ARE SO FAT. No---not just fat... HUGE......gigantic.....big-as-a-house size. When I say I saw "plus size" women, I mean women plus-a-bus size. (now having said that let me add that I recently passed by a mirror and thought I glimpsed someone following me---turns out it was just my ass). Oh...and in Kansas I WAS A SKINNY GIRL (and one of the few with all her teeth). I am contemplating moving to Kansas where I would be considered a really hot top model.

Peace

walking in the dark tonight..........for several hours---through the fields...alone
the night sky was black with no moon ........no stars
only three cars passed me and only a handful of houses drifted by...
the smell of woodsmoke and the pungent odor of earth just turned hung in the darkness...
at times --the air--it was silent and still
other times birds stirred in the treetops...and animals scurried in the brush...and once i heard the grinding of a tractor churning late in the fields
i felt the darkness weighing down on my shoulders, as if i was carrying a shoulderbag.....of something.......like hope
my footsteps echoed and my thoughts swarmed around me, like bees...waiting to find just the right place to light.
once back home... after the long walk, i felt the wet heat of my own body clinging to my skin and my face stung as the warmth of the room brought blood rushing to my cheeks
now it's time to sleep .....and go walking with the angels on the other side of midnight

cuz i’m bored of hanging out in your cold

everyone wants to be around you when you are laughing and funny and helpful and upbeat ............but take a close look at who is at your side when you are not having a great day----...when you are feeling down and you find it difficult to smile. who are those friends who help you laugh again.....who don't leave you behind....who aren't too busy...who don't leave you in the dark....

those are the people to keep near to you...they will warm you on even the coldest of days. and you know that you too would venture into the darkness and cold to find them if they were lost out there...alone.

true friends. how many do you have?

Happy New Year

If you read the front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle on Thursday, Dec 15, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

The fifty-foot whale was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her her tail, her torso and a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallone Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her - a very dangerous proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around - she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate in the New Year -to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

It can be rough in Slovenia

ok.........what is the DEAL with slovenian toilet paper!!?? i mean, in general european toilet paper is pretty rough.........but slovenian toilet paper is something different altogether! so what is it? is it that for some reason the toilet paper processing plants just don't possess the technology to make softer tp? or is it that slovenians have never used soft tissue, so they really don't know what they are missing? or is it that perhaps slovenians happen to have extra resilient asses, so they can tolerate a little roughness? or maybe their diet is very grainy and therefore they need a little more texture? (lets not dwell on that possibility for too long), or perhaps soft toilet paper is outrageously expensive and they just can't afford it or that soft paper is so rare in their country because maybe it has to be imported............well whatever the reason........i am glad to be back home to my charmin. (let me add that slovenia, in spite of its toilet paper deficiencies, is an absolutely beautiful country, the mountains, the fall colors, the snow capped alps, the sea green lakes.........something to experience)

Delirium--Part 2

it's late and i am tired............unfortunately i had a coke just a few hours ago and the caffeine is surging through my veins and making my mind spin. so now my eyes are burning from fatigue yet i am restless and wired. remind me not to drink coke so late agian......

my guests leave tomorow...........then it's back to work and all the crap that goes along with it. i can feel my blood pressure going up already.

what else is new? .....well...... i got my haircut and although i CLEARLY indicated i only wanted a trim, the idiot cut 3 inches off.....then i broke 3 nails this week....and i am sure i gained weight the last few weeks while on vacation and now i will have to work out even more to get it back off (and exercising is one of my least favorite activities.....it's right up there with poking my eye out with scissors and root canals). so i have that to look forward to this week. oh and did i mention that i get to have a mammogram tomorrow on my last day of vacation? nothing like having your breasts smashed to the same thickness as a sheet of paper to spice up your monday.

alright..........enough complaining........i need to get some sleeeeep. i am becoming silly and delirious.

goodnight!

castles and toast

just returned from 4 days in the loire valley france-------------so beautiful and peaceful there. the sunset the last night there was amazing. the fairytale castles sparked old memories. the people were .............well, the people were french. that pretty much says it all.

now i am home........the sun is shining.......my cats are following me around like my shadows.............and my life continues ---like one big blur. time moving faster and faster no matter what i do to try to slow it down.

i think i will go eat some toast.

permanent chocolate

as you may (or may not) know, the sun is not my friend. being a redhead, i never tan, almost always burn, and end up with an explosion of freckles whenever i am in the sun. lately i have been a bit remiss about slathering on my daily dose of sunscreen (mostly due to the lack of sun and also laziness on my part). anyway...today i noticed that i had a bit of what appeared to be chocolate in the corner of my mouth. so i licked at it with my tongue. and again. and again. UGH! it's a freckle! right there, in the corner of my mouth! a nice light brown dot.........that looks exactly like a bit of chocolate next to my lip. all i can say is------i can't wait for winter.............

cleaning lady wisdom

ok. i have a cleaning lady. not because i am rich and spoiled (alright...i am a bit spoiled), but because it is affordable in belgium.

so here i am ---at home while she is here cleaning. and while she is cleaning the kitchen she tells me that my garbage stinks. well, i didn't know what to say really. i mean, isn't garbage supposed to smell bad? in fact, i can't recall ever smelling garbage that had a nice pleasant scent. and while i am pondering her proclamation, she then goes on to tell me that i have a lot of laundry to do. and why is she telling me this? i have no idea. but she did manage to make me feel a bit guilty about it. like i should be washing laundry and doing something to make my garbage smell better rather than sitting at my computer!

i think i will make sure i am out of the house next time she cleans.

lavender skies

as i walked the road, i looked to my right and watched the sun set........a lovely shade of lavender, which then morphed into a blazing rose on fire. much to my surprise i turned to my left and there was the orange moon........the one i have been missing. it sat low on the horizon and seemed to be there answering the call of that rose-colored sunset. the air was still and silent and smelled of cut grain. i love these cool nights where the air on my face is soft and biting all at once. i made my way home thinking of how lucky i am to have been caught between that amazing sunset and my orange moon.

random thoughts

it is after midnight...

ok...i am back from my trip to venice italy.........went to a conference on treating post traumatic stress disorder...but more importantly-----I WAS IN VENICE! it is just as i remembered it---beautiful, charming, bursting with character and history. and of course, just like before...i felt like a rat in a maze. but a very nice maze. (and one with delicious gelato on every corner!)

so now i am back and have this week off. went to a gorgeous castle yesterday (in belgium)........chateau lavaux st.anne. --------fantastic really. the castle is surrounded by a moat and four towers (ok..........i know that sounds so unoriginal, but it really does have a unique style).

there is a full moon out tonight........there is a cool night breeze coming in my window....and i can hear the river from here. it is so dark and peaceful .............i think i will go to sleeeeeeep now.
goodnight

dice

the dice game was a lot of crazy fun last night. we had the usual cast of characters.....such as, lisa (giving everyone detailed instructions and trying to change the game rules), chris (all night snapping the rubber gloves he was wearing....don't ask) and colleen (taking pics of breasts for her book.....again, don't ask).

we ate and drank all night and now i am going to pay for it (i'll have to walk for 3 days straight to work it all off).......but i know deep down inside of me there is a really skinny, supermodel-thin girl just screaming to get out! (fortunately i can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.)

almost perfect

this is nearly the perfect place to live............i can sit at my window and look out into the forest and hear a bagpipe player practicing on the wooded path. it is dusk and as the sun sinks a hush blankets the trees and everything seems so still, like in a painting. i smell grass and the cool country air (which means i can smell the cows which are in the pasture across the way! haaa!).......that bagpipe player----he doesn't know how he made my evening so special. so a warm thanks to him tonight.

a taste of orange

ugh. it's toooooooo hot here now. freckles are exploding on me everywhere, in spite of my layers of sunscreen armor. so today i went to the forest to go kayaking (in search of a breeze and some relief from the heat).aaaaaaaaaaaaaah... it was perfect. cooler, breezier, very quiet, and relaxed. (and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich never tasted better!...the river seems to do something to pb &j) not a cloud in sight, but there was that milky half moon, sharing the sky with the blazing sun. the ducks didn't mind sharing water space and the birds dive bombed the surface for unlucky water bugs.

and now, hours later, i sit here eating an orange popsicle and try to keep cool...remembering the day (and hoping my tongue isn't still orange when i go to work tomorrow)