Delirium--Part 2

it's late and i am tired............unfortunately i had a coke just a few hours ago and the caffeine is surging through my veins and making my mind spin. so now my eyes are burning from fatigue yet i am restless and wired. remind me not to drink coke so late agian......

my guests leave tomorow...........then it's back to work and all the crap that goes along with it. i can feel my blood pressure going up already.

what else is new? .....well...... i got my haircut and although i CLEARLY indicated i only wanted a trim, the idiot cut 3 inches off.....then i broke 3 nails this week....and i am sure i gained weight the last few weeks while on vacation and now i will have to work out even more to get it back off (and exercising is one of my least favorite activities.....it's right up there with poking my eye out with scissors and root canals). so i have that to look forward to this week. oh and did i mention that i get to have a mammogram tomorrow on my last day of vacation? nothing like having your breasts smashed to the same thickness as a sheet of paper to spice up your monday.

alright..........enough complaining........i need to get some sleeeeep. i am becoming silly and delirious.

goodnight!

castles and toast

just returned from 4 days in the loire valley france-------------so beautiful and peaceful there. the sunset the last night there was amazing. the fairytale castles sparked old memories. the people were .............well, the people were french. that pretty much says it all.

now i am home........the sun is shining.......my cats are following me around like my shadows.............and my life continues ---like one big blur. time moving faster and faster no matter what i do to try to slow it down.

i think i will go eat some toast.

permanent chocolate

as you may (or may not) know, the sun is not my friend. being a redhead, i never tan, almost always burn, and end up with an explosion of freckles whenever i am in the sun. lately i have been a bit remiss about slathering on my daily dose of sunscreen (mostly due to the lack of sun and also laziness on my part). anyway...today i noticed that i had a bit of what appeared to be chocolate in the corner of my mouth. so i licked at it with my tongue. and again. and again. UGH! it's a freckle! right there, in the corner of my mouth! a nice light brown dot.........that looks exactly like a bit of chocolate next to my lip. all i can say is------i can't wait for winter.............

cleaning lady wisdom

ok. i have a cleaning lady. not because i am rich and spoiled (alright...i am a bit spoiled), but because it is affordable in belgium.

so here i am ---at home while she is here cleaning. and while she is cleaning the kitchen she tells me that my garbage stinks. well, i didn't know what to say really. i mean, isn't garbage supposed to smell bad? in fact, i can't recall ever smelling garbage that had a nice pleasant scent. and while i am pondering her proclamation, she then goes on to tell me that i have a lot of laundry to do. and why is she telling me this? i have no idea. but she did manage to make me feel a bit guilty about it. like i should be washing laundry and doing something to make my garbage smell better rather than sitting at my computer!

i think i will make sure i am out of the house next time she cleans.

lavender skies

as i walked the road, i looked to my right and watched the sun set........a lovely shade of lavender, which then morphed into a blazing rose on fire. much to my surprise i turned to my left and there was the orange moon........the one i have been missing. it sat low on the horizon and seemed to be there answering the call of that rose-colored sunset. the air was still and silent and smelled of cut grain. i love these cool nights where the air on my face is soft and biting all at once. i made my way home thinking of how lucky i am to have been caught between that amazing sunset and my orange moon.

random thoughts

it is after midnight...

ok...i am back from my trip to venice italy.........went to a conference on treating post traumatic stress disorder...but more importantly-----I WAS IN VENICE! it is just as i remembered it---beautiful, charming, bursting with character and history. and of course, just like before...i felt like a rat in a maze. but a very nice maze. (and one with delicious gelato on every corner!)

so now i am back and have this week off. went to a gorgeous castle yesterday (in belgium)........chateau lavaux st.anne. --------fantastic really. the castle is surrounded by a moat and four towers (ok..........i know that sounds so unoriginal, but it really does have a unique style).

there is a full moon out tonight........there is a cool night breeze coming in my window....and i can hear the river from here. it is so dark and peaceful .............i think i will go to sleeeeeeep now.
goodnight

dice

the dice game was a lot of crazy fun last night. we had the usual cast of characters.....such as, lisa (giving everyone detailed instructions and trying to change the game rules), chris (all night snapping the rubber gloves he was wearing....don't ask) and colleen (taking pics of breasts for her book.....again, don't ask).

we ate and drank all night and now i am going to pay for it (i'll have to walk for 3 days straight to work it all off).......but i know deep down inside of me there is a really skinny, supermodel-thin girl just screaming to get out! (fortunately i can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.)

almost perfect

this is nearly the perfect place to live............i can sit at my window and look out into the forest and hear a bagpipe player practicing on the wooded path. it is dusk and as the sun sinks a hush blankets the trees and everything seems so still, like in a painting. i smell grass and the cool country air (which means i can smell the cows which are in the pasture across the way! haaa!).......that bagpipe player----he doesn't know how he made my evening so special. so a warm thanks to him tonight.

a taste of orange

ugh. it's toooooooo hot here now. freckles are exploding on me everywhere, in spite of my layers of sunscreen armor. so today i went to the forest to go kayaking (in search of a breeze and some relief from the heat).aaaaaaaaaaaaaah... it was perfect. cooler, breezier, very quiet, and relaxed. (and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich never tasted better!...the river seems to do something to pb &j) not a cloud in sight, but there was that milky half moon, sharing the sky with the blazing sun. the ducks didn't mind sharing water space and the birds dive bombed the surface for unlucky water bugs.

and now, hours later, i sit here eating an orange popsicle and try to keep cool...remembering the day (and hoping my tongue isn't still orange when i go to work tomorrow)

Midnight Blues

it was later than late. too late really. the sky was midnight blue with stars scattered about. the wind in the trees was sounding like rushing water. and the smell of woodsmoke made me nostalgic. i was alone. walking so late at night. alone in my head. alone in my heart.

have you ever been waiting for something to happen? just waiting and waiting? you don't want to wait, but you know you have to, it's all part of the plan. and you have to learn to enjoy the waiting just as much as you enjoy the end result. but it's so hard to do. i think that it is really part of the test. can you enjoy the ride? can you enjoy waiting in line for the ride? and how will you feel when the ride ends?

no moon and that midnight blue sky. and the warm summer night claws at my brain---making me think useless thoughts.

Moments to remember

thoughts for the day---
beauty really does come from the inside.
you shouldn't compare yourself to others.
those who make you smile are the ones who you need close to your heart.
remember those moments in your life...the ones that warm your heart and make your spirit soar.....

some of my moments are............

when i was about 10, the prettiest little girl i knew (whom i envied for her beautiful blonde curls and cute face) looked at me and told ME that she thought i was so pretty.

when in 5th grade i won a contest (that i didn't even know my teacher entered me into) for having the best writing in my creative writing book in the entire city

when i wrote an essay (in less than 20 minutes, just before class) in 11th grade and after reading it outloud, the class was silent and then someone asked "did you really write that?"

when i went to my dad's wedding in spite of all that had transpired..........i went so my younger teen-age brother wouldn't have to go alone.

when i got the job in japan

when 6 year old mary (a victim of a pedophile) was on the stand, and the defense attorney asked her if miss tanya, her therapist, told her what to say when she came to court...........and mary answered yes (there was a gleam in that attorneys eye).........and he asked "so what did she tell you to say"....and mary answered................"the truth"

when i spent a night with my grandma and sat with her and wrote out all 75 of her christmas cards for her............ because she could no longer write and sending out cards to family and friends was so important to her.

when i did my first professional hypnosis show in belgium and it was a big success

and there it was.....it read...."This year will be a time when you will realize the futility of certain dreams and detach in order to set a new horizon to your aspirations. Thoughts will be inwardly bound so the difference between a dream and desire will be clear with creative intelligence functioning at its peak. Efforts will increase to bring into focus the possibilities of destiny and what your core contains. Sudden gain through powerful friends is indicated and the true friend will segregate from all and sundry. New friendships with the opposite members will bring you happiness. There will be some amount of obstacles but with care, caution and patience things will sort out." ...........now THAT is fate... beautiful fate.

Lunar Eclipse

right now--at this very moment i am staring at the most beautiful moon i have ever seen. it is a rare full lunar eclipse.   the sun's beams are refracted through the earth's atmosphere bathing the moon in an amazing reddish glow---so very cool. europe is one of the continents with the best view of this incredible event. i hope you are watching it too....

Kindness~ there is no substitute

yesterday a friend of mine said the nicest thing to me. she told me that she loves my beautiful shiny red hair and that she thinks my skin is also beautiful. her comments took me by surprise. they also made my day. i felt really good the rest of the day because of her kindness. i am going to try to remember this--how a kind word or sincere compliment can make someone's day. maybe they are feeling low and my comment could be the thing that lifts them up. i always try to be kind to everyone but now my goal is to be especially kind to at least one person every day---to pay them the compliment that has been lingering in my head, that i never seem to get around to sharing, to tell them how much they mean to me, or how much i enjoy being with them. we shouldn't underestimate the power of a kind word or gesture.

Questions ???

In spite of having lived overseas for so long and traveling all over,
I find the world increasingly perplexing. For example,

Why do hotel maids fold the toilet paper into that little point? I don't particularly want
to use toilet paper that has been fondled by some unknown person into some strange
tissue origami.

Why do we have to pay for ketchup at McDonald's in Europe? Is ketchup
such a rare and expensive commodity here that the tablespoon of
tomato sauce in that little packet must be accounted for?

Why is it that there is a direct correlation between how old we get
and how many pairs of clippers we own? The more we age the more we
seem to accumulate fingernail clippers, toenail clippers, hedge
clippers, nose hair clippers, etc. (P.S. In case you are wondering, I don't own any nose
hair clippers)

Why do they call it "French dressing"? I've been to France numerous
times and had many salads there and I have never been offered that
strange neon orange dressing. (What's it made of anyway?….carrots on steroids?)

Why do airlines even bother with the little peanut packets? What are
5 peanuts supposed to do for me? I feel so frustrated and even more
hungry after I eat them that I am ready to chew off my own arm.

Why haven't I seen these products yet?---"Backhair Be-Gone" (like Nair
for the back), or "Panties-in-a-Can" (spray on when wearing those
super tight fitting jeans), "Butt-deflectors" (special pants with
strategically placed mirrors sewn on the hips to make the appearance
of your butt smaller), "O-So-Soft Fuzzy hats and gloves" (Made out of
dryer lint---there ought to be a use for that stuff!) or my favorite,
"Make-a-Toupee Home Craft kit" (save your armpit and leg hairs after shaving and weave
them into a completely natural and real looking toupee!)

Well, enough of this nonsense…I need to get back the really important question of
today---who is going to unpack the last few boxes that I never seem to have time to get
to?! (Afterall, I am the Queen of Procrastination)