Helpful French phrases

My brother is coming to visit so I sent him this list of helpful French phrases~
*Bonjour (Hello/Good Day)
*Parlez-vous Anglais? (Do you speak English?)
*Oui/Non (Yes/No)
*Desole (I'm sorry)
*S'il vous plait (please)
*Merci (Thank you)
*Au revoir (Goodbye)
*Combien? (How much is it?)
*Je suis perdu! Savez vous ou habite Tanya? (I am lost. Do you know where Tanya lives?)
*Ou sont les toilettes? (Where are the toilets?) and then you might need.....
*Je n'ai pas d'argent....est ce que je peux pisser gratuitenent si il vous plais?! ( I have no money...can I pee for free please?!)
*Je suis tombe et je ne sais pa me relever!! (I've fallen and I can't get up!)
*Bonjour! Etes vous celibataire et riche? Vous demandez combien? (Hi! Are you single and rich? ....You don't charge do you?)----This phrase may be particularly useful in the red-light district.
*C'etait un tres bon diner! Ai je des escargots entre les dents? (That was a great dinner! Do I have any snail in my teeth?)

My Pet Peeves: the word "pet peeve".......and people who name their pets "Peeve"

Cave Girl (Not a new action hero)

....I have terrible vision. Without my glasses or contacts--- I am practically legally blind. Good thing I wasn't born in the caveman days---I would have had to depend on someone to lead me around to protect me.( I would be their cave-bitch) Otherwise I would have surely died an early death....."hey...I think I will sit under this tree "(Mastadon) or "wow....I sure like this nice big cliff" (T-Rex)....yeah..I wouldn't have lasted long.

You live WHERE??!!

Belgium is a beautiful west European country that is bordered by France, Netherlands and the North Sea. Brussels is the capital of Belgium and the currency is Euro. Belgium experiences mild winters and cool summers. Belgium is famous for its medieval castles and Gothic cathedrals.
Often referred to as the ‘Essence of Europe’, Belgium is a wonderful place to visit. It is known for its beer, chocolates and waffles.
Do you know Belgium is the only country in the world that brews 800 different beers and 400 different flavors of beer?
Virtually every Belgian beer has its own special glass, and that beer (and only that beer) is always supposed to be served in it. This applies to bottled beers too, not just the ones on tap! Adds a whole new complexity to bar tending, doesn't it?
Belgium produces 220,000 tons of chocolate every year. When calculated, per person consumption comes to 49 pounds of chocolate per person per year on average. The world's biggest chocolate selling point is the Brussels National Airport (where you will be flying to if you come to visit me).
The only man-made structure visible from the moon is the Belgian motorway system, which is visible as a small glittering spot due to the many, many (orange) lights all along the motorway network.
The world’s main diamond center is Belgium. Almost 90% of raw diamonds in the world are negotiated and distributed in Antwerp, Belgium.
In 1815, the Congress of Vienna defeated Napoleon Bonaparte in Waterloo, which is a city in Belgium (15 minutes from where we live). After this defeat, 124 cities around the world were named Waterloo.
After World War II, Belgium played an important role in laying the foundation for the European Community. Today, Brussels is the capital of European Union (EU). Brussels is also the Headquarters NATO.
Brussels' Royal Palace is bigger than London's Buckingham Palace.
French speaking Belgium is the world's biggest producer of comics.
It is a Belgian who founded New York City.
The first printed newspapers in the world were published in Antwerp Belgium.
Belgians claim to have invented french fries and indeed all Belgian towns have their own french fry stands (friterie).
Europe's first sky scraper was built in Antwerp, Belgium in 1928.
The world's richest girl lives in Brussels (Athina Onassis, grand-daughter of the shipping magnate, Aristotle Onassis)
Belgians are the most avid users of discount coupons in the world (Americans come in second).
Ludwig van Beethoven's family originated from Belgium.
The Atomium is a structure built for the World Fair of 1958. Designed by the engineer André Waterkeyn , the Atomium is a 335 foot tall structure that is a model of an atom of iron crystal, magnified 165 billion times! It is located in Brussels.
The official languages spoken here are Dutch, German and French, though the friendly people of Belgium try their level best to speak English with every tourist and try to help as much as they can! In Belgium, the North speaks Flemish, the South (where we live) speaks French, and a tiny part in the East speaks German.
The people of Belgium are very fond of pets and invariably each household will be rearing a cat and a dog. The country has imposed a trade ban of cat and dog furs along with five other countries in Europe. In a country with a population of around 10 million, there are more than 2 million pet animals of domestic dogs and cats.
Coffee is enjoyed by many and the quality is excellent, but the concept of the American-style coffee shop (like Starbucks) simply doesn't exist. If you want to stop for coffee, you visit a café and you sit down and drink coffee from a real cup, with saucer and spoon...all of which is brought to you. There's no such thing as carry-out coffee, and I'm guessing that they'd find the concept of drive-thru coffee utterly ridiculous. (Wait...news flash! I have just been informed that Belgium has moved into the 21st century and has TWO Starbucks---two, in the entire country)
For environmental reasons grocery stores will not provide you with paper or plastic bags for free. They charge 5 cents per (very small) plastic bag, and I haven't seen the paper ones at all. Most people (ourselves included) purchase sturdy, reusable bags for €1 each from the store.
Grocery stores do not sell medication of any kind - only pharmacies can sell those items, and they are identifiable by a big green cross (just like the Red Cross' logo, but green) over the door.
Don't expect the quick or "hovering" services you get from US waitresses/waiters. You will wait for your menu...wait for your drinks...wait to give your order....wait for your food. You are not supposed to wolf down your food in a hurry. You are to leisurely enjoy your meal---in fact, if you make a restaurant reservation, that table is yours for the night! You and your friends or family are expected to sit and eat and relax and eat a bit more and drink some and talk, ALL NIGHT LONG. You can do this without waiters interrupting you or plopping down your bill.
(I must admit, I was recently back in the States and found the countless visits by the waitress very annoying). Oh--Water is not free in restaurants. No glass of water and certainly no pitcher of water will brought to your table! You must pay for bottled water when you go out to eat. And forget about free drink refills or free ketchup or ice in your glass. Be prepared for wee little tiny almost-shot-glass size drinks. You may need several during your meal. (Usually our drink bill---for bottled water and coke---is bigger than our dinner bill). The Big Gulp has not yet arrived in Europe. (but then again....neither have the big asses that are so common in the US)
Flies, spiders, and mosquitoes ....OH MY! That's right---no screens in Belgium. Don't worry --you get used to it. And actually you may like it. There is nothing like having a crystal clear view of the neighboring castle and feeling a strong breeze in your room on a hot day!
Kissing---as a greeting! No hugs, no handshakes, no waving hello~ Belgians KISS...on the cheek of course. If you are about the same age as the person you are greeting, one kiss is the rule in Belgium. For someone at least ten years older than you are, then three kisses is seen as a mark of respect. This could be hazardous -- especially if you are not good at judging ages!
When out in public, you have to pay to use the toilet! No peeing for free. There is usually a woman sitting near the door of the restroom. You can pay her when you go in or when you come out. (We like to call her Madam PP) Actually, you can pee for free if you want to do it the Belgian way.....just find a dark corner (or any corner will do---even a well-lit one) and simply--pee in it! Or you can pull over to the side of the road and turn your back on all the traffic (act as if no one can see you) and pee right there by the road. (I will admit that I have never seen a woman do this---only men seem to have the "pee for free" privilege)
In most Belgian towns there is a weekly market with smelly fish guy and smelly cheese guy (well, the guy himself doesn't smell). They also sell fruit, vegetables, flowers, bread, fresh farm milk and butter and other strange market items such as ladders, jewelry, knives, underwear, live chickens, sausages, pet beds, and pots and pans.
Nobody works on Sunday! Most stores and businesses are closed on Sunday. You are supposed to be enjoying life with family and friends---NOT shopping....or working! No seven- elevens or other 24 hour stores either. And sadly---no Wal-Mart.
Forget your wonder bread----soft, white, fluffy (and non-nutritional) bread is not available here. Most bread is whole grain, freshly made with a thick crust. Oh--except french bread of course, which is a very long, tube shaped loaf of white bread with a crunchy crust.
Pets are allowed in stores. But you are also supposed to let your dog "go" only in designated public spots. These spots are marked on the pavement with a painted picture of a dog lifting his leg. (really!)
To warn drivers about impending road construction, the Belgian's put up strobe lights. Nothing helps me avoid an accident more than flashing strobe lights blinding me just before a construction zone! Oh, and they also have these weird mannequins they place along the side of the road with long shaggy wigs and (mechanical ) arms that wave up and down in a psychotic-like attempt to warn you that the road is being worked on. (These are somewhat scary and have been known to cause alarmed drivers to run off the road). And if you are sent on a detour due to road construction, you will follow signs and follow some more signs and then suddenly all signs will disappear! You will now be completely lost (due to those detour signs taking you out in the middle of nowhere).
Trash here is sorted. Plastic and aluminum in one trash can. Paper in another. Glass in another. All other trash in another. So you need 4 trash cans in your kitchen AND you can't use just any old garbage bags----you have to PAY for special trash bags! They cost about $1.50 a bag. (Bet you never knew that trash bags could be so special!) And if you don't use these bags.....they don't pick up your trash.

on a serious note.....

In our lives, we all will face some really difficult moments (days, weeks...). But I realize now that these are important and necessary for my growth as a person. Of course the wonderful times can bring us moments of pure joy~ and we thrive on those good times. But during these times we usually float along, enjoying life and not really looking for ways to change or improve (and why would we....we are having fun!). I find that during times when I am faced with serious challenges in my life, I really take the time to take a closer look at myself and my life---I take the time to ask myself important questions and to peel back the layers of superficiality in my life and get down to the core of what is really important. I grow and learn...and I see things in new ways. I become a better and even wiser person. The adversity I face brings about change in me. So although we are sometimes faced with hard and challenging times, I can see some positives to these experiences. .........Every day is extraordinary.....I focus on those things that make it so. ( I am learning how to create my own reality.)

Lost and Found

Finding something you lost so long ago...and having it back again--is just amazing. (unless however what you lost was a small wheel of smelly cheese you bought at the local farmer's market...and forgot you put it in your jacket pocket----or if what you lost was a long red string....and you later discover that your cat ate it and it is now--partially--hanging out of its ass. I am speaking hypothetically of course..)

Memories of a Child*

Early morning~
The air is crisp, the wind--gentle
The lake is like glass
All is quiet, all is still
It smells like sunshine
I hear your footfalls outside~
You are enjoying the world as she blinks her eyes open,
Welcoming a new day.

Mid-afternoon~
Sun blazing--the air is warm
A breeze is dancing on the water
Lifting it up, so it rolls to shore
Slapping the sea wall with a quiet rhythm
The smells of the lake hang in the air
Kelp...fish...
You can't smell it everywhere, just in certain spots
I hear your hammer, building...something
The Island always seems to need your helping hand.

Dusk~
The sky blushes a pale pink
The lake is still busy with the noise
Of a few people--
Enjoying the last bits of daylight
The buzz of bugs
Begins to fill the breeze
The day is growing hazy and the air feels thick
You look tired.

Night~
Darkness wraps the Island
Like a heavy cape
The ink-like sky goes on forever out here
Jet black
Jet black but smeared with the milky streaks
Of glittering stars
The colored lights you strung on the trees
Sway in the cool night air
Like overgrown summertime fireflies
And when the day finally closes her eyes
You are outside with your friends
Sitting at the water's edge
Reveling in the day's final moments
And as I drift off to sleep
The last thing I hear
Is the sound of your laughter.

*Written the night before my father's memorial and read by me the next day at his service.

Me and My Dad

For My Dad~

On the shimmering surface of this deep blue lake, I look down and see your reflection.
In the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, I hear the echoes of your laughter.
And when the cool summer breeze comes dancing across the water, I feel it hit my cheeks and I remember....
All the special moments we shared~
Tanya O.
Every man dies. Not every man lives.
William Wallace

The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

co-worker: (at end of workday) what is that on your leg?
me: huh? what? where?
co-worker: there....on the back of your leg.....under your stockings.
me: I don't know. (I crane my neck around and look at the back of my leg)
co-worker: well........what is it?
me: Looks like a piece of strawberry. (I leave his office)
The good news: I was very health-conscious today. I ate yogurt and sliced strawberries for lunch in my office, changed out of my suit and heels, and walked for 30 minutes during my lunchbreak.
The bad news: Apparently I left a large hunk of strawberry on my office chair and when I sat down to put my stockings back on after my walk, it got stuck to my leg and stayed there smooshed between my leg and my stockings for the rest of the day.
The ugly: well, that is pretty ugly isn't it.

Double D Kitty

I realized tonight just how blind I am. I was taking a shower without my contacts in and had left the bathroom door partially open. (don't worry....this is a G-rated story). Through the steamy glass I could see my black cat "Minuit" (Midnight in French) sitting outside the shower waiting for me, as he sometimes does. So I began talking to him (as I sometimes do). This went on throughout my shower. Eventually I shut off the water and stepped out ----to discover that the black cat I was talking to for the last 15 minutes was actually my black bra which I had dropped on my way into the shower. So my very thought-provoking talk with my cat was wasted on lingerie. But as it turns out--- my bra is a very good listener. I guess I just needed to get something off my chest~ (and no need for concern.....you only need to worry if the next time you see me I have a black cat strapped to my breasts)

in a steamy room, I somewhat resemble a black bra....now if only this warm spot would quit moving around.

It's just another day for you and me in paradise....

You may be wondering: Why would anyone go to the Auschwitz Nazi death camp while on vacation? Vacation should be fun, relaxing, and joyful---right? I agree. However, I also feel that it is important while on vacation in a foreign country to get to know the people, the history, and the culture. So, while I was on vacation in the beautiful town of Krakow, Poland, I took a side trip to visit Auschwitz---the largest of Nazi Germany's concentration and extermination camps.
I have read books about the Holocaust, seen movies, and have even been to the former concentration camps in Dachau Germany and Mauthausen Austria and have visited other places related to the Holocaust such as Anne Frank's house in Amsterdam, the beaches, cemeteries and museums in Normandy and the Jewish quarter and cemetery in Prague, Czech Republic. All of these places stir something inside me ... a feeling that seems strange yet familiar, like it was there all the time, just below the surface, waiting to rise up and boil in the pit of my stomach. And when it hits your head you become heavy and nausea grips you tightly as you fight to keep it down. In these places you become claustrophobic and even afraid. At Auschwitz I felt all of this tenfold. Auschwitz was the Nazi's largest extermination camp. At least 1.1 million people were killed at Auschwitz. The trip to Auschwitz was one I will never forget. By coincidence, the day I went to Auschwitz happened to be the 20 year anniversary of the first free election in Poland. Suffice it to say there was much to celebrate this day, after years of Nazi and then Communist rule. This ongoing celebration was a stark contrast to what awaited me at Auschwitz. I knew it would be grim, but I was not prepared for the horror that I would experience. I use the word "experience", because that is exactly what it is. You do not simply visit and "see" Auschwitz. You smell it, you taste it, you hear it screaming, and you definitely feel it. I doubt that you can fully take in what I am about to describe....but try to imagine some of things the Nazis left behind--a room filled with 80,000 shoes---mens', womens', childrens', and babies' shoes; Shoes of the dead--the murdered. Try to envision a room full of hair--two tons of hair; hair still braided, hair with decayed ribbons tied at the ends. Now try to imagine that this hair was used to make fabric; fabric for Nazi uniforms. If you are feeling somewhat nauseous right now, try to imagine standing in that room with the hair in front of you, and a sample of fabric laying there next to it. Try to imagine that a quarter of a million children were murdered there. Right there. In the very place that you are standing. Try to imagine that a doctor came to this place and did medical experiments on other humans, especially children who were twins.
I understand that there are people who claim that the Holocaust is not real, that it did not happen, that it was fabricated. While at Auschwitz I thought about this. And I wanted to believe them. I desperately wanted to believe that none of it was real, that none of it happened. I read somewhere that humans are the only species that kill each other in war-like situations. This is not entirely true. War (systematic extermination of another group of the same species) has been observed in chimpanzees and ringtailed lemurs. I would like to think that we are much more evolved than chimpanzees and lemurs. But it seems that in this respect we are not.
At the end our visit, our Polish guide stated that Auschwitz has been made into a museum and preserved so that visitors (over one million a year) will learn about what happened there and never forget---so that we don't ever allow this to happen again. I reminded her that it has happened again---that genocide is occurring at this very moment in Africa. And yet somehow, we go about our lives, giving it barely a thought most days. Ironically the term genocide was coined in 1943 by the Jewish-Polish lawyer Raphael Lemkin who combined the Greek word "genos" (race or tribe) with the Latin word "cide" (to kill).
I should add that the trip to Auschwitz began with a bus ride. The song on the Polish radio station played "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins. I found myself singing along, recognizing the poignant significance of the lyrics---And I wondered if anyone else on that busload of people was thinking how fitting the song was for a bus trip to Auschwitz~
She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and Ive nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?
He walks on, doesnt look back
He pretends he cant hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there
Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise
She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying
Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise
Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say
You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that shes been there
Probably been moved on from every place
cos she didnt fit in there
Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

Letter to David, from David's dog (via me)

Dear David:
Get me out of this damn sweater!
1. as you can see by my expression .....i am not amused. in the future try to be more in tune to my body language.
2. could you have PICKED an uglier garment????!!
3. do i look i need a sweater....perhaps you haven't heard of it....its' called FUR!
Thank you
Lucy

Poland

I am back from Poland~ wow! Nazis, Communists, and then .....McDonalds. You've come a long way baby. Na zdrowie!

When I snap my fingers, you will.....

I recently had my second hypnosis show in Brussels. It was my best show so far with FANTASTIC volunteers! Here are the highlights (names have been changed to protect the innocent):
*I have everyone grab the sides of their chairs........and now--"Your hands are stuck to the chair!" Then I ask them all to switch seats. Craig and Rick tried to move by taking their chairs with them.
*"You have now lost the ability to sit down!" Then I instruct them to have a seat.....and the fun begins.
*"Each time I say the word 'hand', you will feel as though someone has pinched your ass....." Then I ask the audience to give them a HAND, and then I ask to shake their HAND, etc.
*"I have a tray of delicious, sweet, juicy oranges (actually lemons). And you are so thirsty and these oranges are going to taste so sweet and good, you are going to love them! When I say the word 'pizza'---you will realize that you are actually eating lemons not oranges." They then begin grabbing lemon pieces off the tray and gobbling them up.....til I say "pizza"............then they spit out what they are eating. (Craig asked for a napkin so he could wipe off his tongue)
*"Every time I say the word 'hot' you will become warmer and warmer....when I say the word 'cold' you will become colder and colder".......Rick took off his shirt, then when I said "cold" he tried to put it back on but Janet wanted to put it on and grabbed it. And they began a tug of war with the shirt. When Rick finally got his shirt away from Janet, he put it on ....backwards. And wore it like that the rest of the night. In the meantime Kathy and Craig were huddled together for warmth.
*"You now have some very sticky candy in your mouth. It is very gooey and sticky and it is stuck all over your teeth and the roof of your mouth. It will be very difficult to talk, but you will want to answer my questions." (their efforts to talk were hilarious!)
*"Now you smell a very disgusting smell. It is someone in the audience. You need to go out and figure out who it is.....don't worry--they don't mind if you get close and sniff them."
*"There are hundred dollar bills all over the floor....you get to keep whatever you can scoop up....you will want to stuff them in your pants, shirt, etc." They begin running around grabbing up imaginary bills. (I had to stop this part of the show when Craig and Kathy began fighting over the "money")
*You have lost your belly button. Go out in the audience and look around for it.....ask the audience some questions ---maybe they can help you find it. Rick to audience members: "Have you seen my belly button? It's this color (points to his skin on his arm). I really need to find it---my mother gave it to me." Kathy: "Hey---I know you two people have my belly button! I was sitting in this chair earlier, right here where you are sitting, and I had it then!"
*"When you hear the music medley, you will dance in whatever style music is being played. You are in a dance contest so you will want to use your very best dance moves." I then play a series of music.....disco, ballet, country, Irish riverdance, heavy metal.....(the ballet was the best when Craig began twirling and then leaping through the air)
*I have them take off their shoes and I place them in a large pile in the middle of the room. "Your shoes are now phones. When you hear the phone ringing you will run to the phones and try to find the one that is ringing. You have an important call so you need to find the right phone. (ringing sound begins) They all run from shoe to shoe picking them up and saying "hello", til the ringing stops.....then they have their "important call". (Kathy had a job interview and Craig was talking to his Commander)
*"You are in a band and you are about to play to thousands of screaming fans!" I then hand out a blow up guitar, wooden spoons for drum sticks, sunglasses and wigs. When the music starts---they play!
Thank you to my wonderful volunteers~ without you there would be no show!