Sibling rivalry taken to new heights (i.e. my revenge for all the things you did to me when we were kids)

At the French/UK border...and so the Bobbie said, "what I am really interested in is those shoes" (points to my brother's VANS). Apparently smugglers cut the soles out and use them to smuggle drugs. Of course I readily offered for them to strip search my brother--I even encouraged a cavity check. One cop looked at the other and snickered..."You can tell she is his sister...only a sister would offer up such things....poor bloke!"

I love Belgium weather! So don't parade on my rain~

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly--Part II

The Good: I have lost 5 pounds.
The Bad: I had to get a haircut--my hair was long and shaggy AND I needed to shave my legs AND I had to trim my toenails (as they were beginning to slice slits through the front of my shoes).
The Ugly: I have a dreadful feeling that there is some correlation between these "good" and the "bad" events .....and that's rather ugly don't you think.

 

A Belgian driving lesson

When I first arrived in Belgian, I noticed that Belgian truckers were often flashing their lights at me. I immediately thought they must be warning me of an upcoming speed trap. How thoughtful! hmmmmm.....nope, no speed traps. Wait...maybe they are just annoyed with me....am I going too slow? too fast? ....I don't think so. Oh my god...did I leave my lunch on the top of the car again??? (she thinks for a moment). No--I didn't pack a lunch. Why the hell are these truckers always flashing their lights at me? (so now I start paying more attention to these light-flashing drivers). Hey....he is smiling at me and waving......so I ask Dallas that evening, "do truck drivers ever flash their lights at you?". He says, "no, never". Now I think I understand.
The next week a coworker tells me that a truck driver was flashing his lights at her. She immediately thought "something must be wrong with my car!"---so she pulls over at the next rest stop and gets out to examine her car. The truck driver pulls in behind her. "So what's wrong? Is there something wrong with my car?", she says to him. "Mais non" he says (in thick French accent)...."would you like to have a drink?" Puzzled, she looks around....."um, well, where?" (no restaurant at this rest stop)...He flicks his head over at his truck. "In my truck, we can have ze drink". Embarrassed and a bit panicky, she scampers to her car, jumps in, and drives away. (I know what you are thinking....NO---this was not me)
So girls when the truckers flash their lights at you, this is Belgian road talk for "Hey Baby, wanna light my fire?" Sometimes I wave at them or smile. But I was thinking the other day--- this could put a whole new spin on hooking. Forget street walking---simply drive around on the Belgian highways. Believe me ...you would get picked up fast and easy. And then you could simply join the trucker for a "drink in ze truck". Hey---you wanted a job in Europe that involves a lot of travel didn't you?

The best fall drive ever

The drive home from the Netherlands today was so beautiful. The sky was smoke grey with billows of clouds that stretched from the horizon to what seemed like the top of the sky. But in spite of this dark sky, the sun was burning bright from behind me, as if it were a spotlight for my special show.....the performance of the trees....green, gold, yellow, orange, red and a burnished brown--all lit afire spectacularly. Then I passed by the enormous windmills, sitting on the hillside, turning silently and lined up like giant birds on a wire. When I was almost home, I rolled the windows down to feel the cool air. It rushed in quickly and brushed my cheeks and then whipped my hair around my face and I could see my hair flying on the wind all around me--looking the same color as those fiery red leaves along the road. I love fall...

Helpful French phrases

My brother is coming to visit so I sent him this list of helpful French phrases~
*Bonjour (Hello/Good Day)
*Parlez-vous Anglais? (Do you speak English?)
*Oui/Non (Yes/No)
*Desole (I'm sorry)
*S'il vous plait (please)
*Merci (Thank you)
*Au revoir (Goodbye)
*Combien? (How much is it?)
*Je suis perdu! Savez vous ou habite Tanya? (I am lost. Do you know where Tanya lives?)
*Ou sont les toilettes? (Where are the toilets?) and then you might need.....
*Je n'ai pas d'argent....est ce que je peux pisser gratuitenent si il vous plais?! ( I have no money...can I pee for free please?!)
*Je suis tombe et je ne sais pa me relever!! (I've fallen and I can't get up!)
*Bonjour! Etes vous celibataire et riche? Vous demandez combien? (Hi! Are you single and rich? ....You don't charge do you?)----This phrase may be particularly useful in the red-light district.
*C'etait un tres bon diner! Ai je des escargots entre les dents? (That was a great dinner! Do I have any snail in my teeth?)

My Pet Peeves: the word "pet peeve".......and people who name their pets "Peeve"

Cave Girl (Not a new action hero)

....I have terrible vision. Without my glasses or contacts--- I am practically legally blind. Good thing I wasn't born in the caveman days---I would have had to depend on someone to lead me around to protect me.( I would be their cave-bitch) Otherwise I would have surely died an early death....."hey...I think I will sit under this tree "(Mastadon) or "wow....I sure like this nice big cliff" (T-Rex)....yeah..I wouldn't have lasted long.

You live WHERE??!!

Belgium is a beautiful west European country that is bordered by France, Netherlands and the North Sea. Brussels is the capital of Belgium and the currency is Euro. Belgium experiences mild winters and cool summers. Belgium is famous for its medieval castles and Gothic cathedrals.
Often referred to as the ‘Essence of Europe’, Belgium is a wonderful place to visit. It is known for its beer, chocolates and waffles.
Do you know Belgium is the only country in the world that brews 800 different beers and 400 different flavors of beer?
Virtually every Belgian beer has its own special glass, and that beer (and only that beer) is always supposed to be served in it. This applies to bottled beers too, not just the ones on tap! Adds a whole new complexity to bar tending, doesn't it?
Belgium produces 220,000 tons of chocolate every year. When calculated, per person consumption comes to 49 pounds of chocolate per person per year on average. The world's biggest chocolate selling point is the Brussels National Airport (where you will be flying to if you come to visit me).
The only man-made structure visible from the moon is the Belgian motorway system, which is visible as a small glittering spot due to the many, many (orange) lights all along the motorway network.
The world’s main diamond center is Belgium. Almost 90% of raw diamonds in the world are negotiated and distributed in Antwerp, Belgium.
In 1815, the Congress of Vienna defeated Napoleon Bonaparte in Waterloo, which is a city in Belgium (15 minutes from where we live). After this defeat, 124 cities around the world were named Waterloo.
After World War II, Belgium played an important role in laying the foundation for the European Community. Today, Brussels is the capital of European Union (EU). Brussels is also the Headquarters NATO.
Brussels' Royal Palace is bigger than London's Buckingham Palace.
French speaking Belgium is the world's biggest producer of comics.
It is a Belgian who founded New York City.
The first printed newspapers in the world were published in Antwerp Belgium.
Belgians claim to have invented french fries and indeed all Belgian towns have their own french fry stands (friterie).
Europe's first sky scraper was built in Antwerp, Belgium in 1928.
The world's richest girl lives in Brussels (Athina Onassis, grand-daughter of the shipping magnate, Aristotle Onassis)
Belgians are the most avid users of discount coupons in the world (Americans come in second).
Ludwig van Beethoven's family originated from Belgium.
The Atomium is a structure built for the World Fair of 1958. Designed by the engineer André Waterkeyn , the Atomium is a 335 foot tall structure that is a model of an atom of iron crystal, magnified 165 billion times! It is located in Brussels.
The official languages spoken here are Dutch, German and French, though the friendly people of Belgium try their level best to speak English with every tourist and try to help as much as they can! In Belgium, the North speaks Flemish, the South (where we live) speaks French, and a tiny part in the East speaks German.
The people of Belgium are very fond of pets and invariably each household will be rearing a cat and a dog. The country has imposed a trade ban of cat and dog furs along with five other countries in Europe. In a country with a population of around 10 million, there are more than 2 million pet animals of domestic dogs and cats.
Coffee is enjoyed by many and the quality is excellent, but the concept of the American-style coffee shop (like Starbucks) simply doesn't exist. If you want to stop for coffee, you visit a café and you sit down and drink coffee from a real cup, with saucer and spoon...all of which is brought to you. There's no such thing as carry-out coffee, and I'm guessing that they'd find the concept of drive-thru coffee utterly ridiculous. (Wait...news flash! I have just been informed that Belgium has moved into the 21st century and has TWO Starbucks---two, in the entire country)
For environmental reasons grocery stores will not provide you with paper or plastic bags for free. They charge 5 cents per (very small) plastic bag, and I haven't seen the paper ones at all. Most people (ourselves included) purchase sturdy, reusable bags for €1 each from the store.
Grocery stores do not sell medication of any kind - only pharmacies can sell those items, and they are identifiable by a big green cross (just like the Red Cross' logo, but green) over the door.
Don't expect the quick or "hovering" services you get from US waitresses/waiters. You will wait for your menu...wait for your drinks...wait to give your order....wait for your food. You are not supposed to wolf down your food in a hurry. You are to leisurely enjoy your meal---in fact, if you make a restaurant reservation, that table is yours for the night! You and your friends or family are expected to sit and eat and relax and eat a bit more and drink some and talk, ALL NIGHT LONG. You can do this without waiters interrupting you or plopping down your bill.
(I must admit, I was recently back in the States and found the countless visits by the waitress very annoying). Oh--Water is not free in restaurants. No glass of water and certainly no pitcher of water will brought to your table! You must pay for bottled water when you go out to eat. And forget about free drink refills or free ketchup or ice in your glass. Be prepared for wee little tiny almost-shot-glass size drinks. You may need several during your meal. (Usually our drink bill---for bottled water and coke---is bigger than our dinner bill). The Big Gulp has not yet arrived in Europe. (but then again....neither have the big asses that are so common in the US)
Flies, spiders, and mosquitoes ....OH MY! That's right---no screens in Belgium. Don't worry --you get used to it. And actually you may like it. There is nothing like having a crystal clear view of the neighboring castle and feeling a strong breeze in your room on a hot day!
Kissing---as a greeting! No hugs, no handshakes, no waving hello~ Belgians KISS...on the cheek of course. If you are about the same age as the person you are greeting, one kiss is the rule in Belgium. For someone at least ten years older than you are, then three kisses is seen as a mark of respect. This could be hazardous -- especially if you are not good at judging ages!
When out in public, you have to pay to use the toilet! No peeing for free. There is usually a woman sitting near the door of the restroom. You can pay her when you go in or when you come out. (We like to call her Madam PP) Actually, you can pee for free if you want to do it the Belgian way.....just find a dark corner (or any corner will do---even a well-lit one) and simply--pee in it! Or you can pull over to the side of the road and turn your back on all the traffic (act as if no one can see you) and pee right there by the road. (I will admit that I have never seen a woman do this---only men seem to have the "pee for free" privilege)
In most Belgian towns there is a weekly market with smelly fish guy and smelly cheese guy (well, the guy himself doesn't smell). They also sell fruit, vegetables, flowers, bread, fresh farm milk and butter and other strange market items such as ladders, jewelry, knives, underwear, live chickens, sausages, pet beds, and pots and pans.
Nobody works on Sunday! Most stores and businesses are closed on Sunday. You are supposed to be enjoying life with family and friends---NOT shopping....or working! No seven- elevens or other 24 hour stores either. And sadly---no Wal-Mart.
Forget your wonder bread----soft, white, fluffy (and non-nutritional) bread is not available here. Most bread is whole grain, freshly made with a thick crust. Oh--except french bread of course, which is a very long, tube shaped loaf of white bread with a crunchy crust.
Pets are allowed in stores. But you are also supposed to let your dog "go" only in designated public spots. These spots are marked on the pavement with a painted picture of a dog lifting his leg. (really!)
To warn drivers about impending road construction, the Belgian's put up strobe lights. Nothing helps me avoid an accident more than flashing strobe lights blinding me just before a construction zone! Oh, and they also have these weird mannequins they place along the side of the road with long shaggy wigs and (mechanical ) arms that wave up and down in a psychotic-like attempt to warn you that the road is being worked on. (These are somewhat scary and have been known to cause alarmed drivers to run off the road). And if you are sent on a detour due to road construction, you will follow signs and follow some more signs and then suddenly all signs will disappear! You will now be completely lost (due to those detour signs taking you out in the middle of nowhere).
Trash here is sorted. Plastic and aluminum in one trash can. Paper in another. Glass in another. All other trash in another. So you need 4 trash cans in your kitchen AND you can't use just any old garbage bags----you have to PAY for special trash bags! They cost about $1.50 a bag. (Bet you never knew that trash bags could be so special!) And if you don't use these bags.....they don't pick up your trash.

on a serious note.....

In our lives, we all will face some really difficult moments (days, weeks...). But I realize now that these are important and necessary for my growth as a person. Of course the wonderful times can bring us moments of pure joy~ and we thrive on those good times. But during these times we usually float along, enjoying life and not really looking for ways to change or improve (and why would we....we are having fun!). I find that during times when I am faced with serious challenges in my life, I really take the time to take a closer look at myself and my life---I take the time to ask myself important questions and to peel back the layers of superficiality in my life and get down to the core of what is really important. I grow and learn...and I see things in new ways. I become a better and even wiser person. The adversity I face brings about change in me. So although we are sometimes faced with hard and challenging times, I can see some positives to these experiences. .........Every day is extraordinary.....I focus on those things that make it so. ( I am learning how to create my own reality.)

Lost and Found

Finding something you lost so long ago...and having it back again--is just amazing. (unless however what you lost was a small wheel of smelly cheese you bought at the local farmer's market...and forgot you put it in your jacket pocket----or if what you lost was a long red string....and you later discover that your cat ate it and it is now--partially--hanging out of its ass. I am speaking hypothetically of course..)

Memories of a Child*

Early morning~
The air is crisp, the wind--gentle
The lake is like glass
All is quiet, all is still
It smells like sunshine
I hear your footfalls outside~
You are enjoying the world as she blinks her eyes open,
Welcoming a new day.

Mid-afternoon~
Sun blazing--the air is warm
A breeze is dancing on the water
Lifting it up, so it rolls to shore
Slapping the sea wall with a quiet rhythm
The smells of the lake hang in the air
Kelp...fish...
You can't smell it everywhere, just in certain spots
I hear your hammer, building...something
The Island always seems to need your helping hand.

Dusk~
The sky blushes a pale pink
The lake is still busy with the noise
Of a few people--
Enjoying the last bits of daylight
The buzz of bugs
Begins to fill the breeze
The day is growing hazy and the air feels thick
You look tired.

Night~
Darkness wraps the Island
Like a heavy cape
The ink-like sky goes on forever out here
Jet black
Jet black but smeared with the milky streaks
Of glittering stars
The colored lights you strung on the trees
Sway in the cool night air
Like overgrown summertime fireflies
And when the day finally closes her eyes
You are outside with your friends
Sitting at the water's edge
Reveling in the day's final moments
And as I drift off to sleep
The last thing I hear
Is the sound of your laughter.

*Written the night before my father's memorial and read by me the next day at his service.

Me and My Dad

For My Dad~

On the shimmering surface of this deep blue lake, I look down and see your reflection.
In the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, I hear the echoes of your laughter.
And when the cool summer breeze comes dancing across the water, I feel it hit my cheeks and I remember....
All the special moments we shared~
Tanya O.
Every man dies. Not every man lives.
William Wallace

The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

co-worker: (at end of workday) what is that on your leg?
me: huh? what? where?
co-worker: there....on the back of your leg.....under your stockings.
me: I don't know. (I crane my neck around and look at the back of my leg)
co-worker: well........what is it?
me: Looks like a piece of strawberry. (I leave his office)
The good news: I was very health-conscious today. I ate yogurt and sliced strawberries for lunch in my office, changed out of my suit and heels, and walked for 30 minutes during my lunchbreak.
The bad news: Apparently I left a large hunk of strawberry on my office chair and when I sat down to put my stockings back on after my walk, it got stuck to my leg and stayed there smooshed between my leg and my stockings for the rest of the day.
The ugly: well, that is pretty ugly isn't it.