December 18

When the cat litter is glittering and your tinsel is missing.....be very afraid.

hypnosis show

Just a few highlights from my hypnosis show last night--
*For the rest of the night your name will be Tinkerbell.....anytime I call you anything else you will correct me and insist that I call you Tinkerbell (Chris was hilarious when he jumped up out of his chair, jingled imaginary bells in his hand and DEMANDED that I call him Tinkerbell).
*Every time I say the words "fried egg" your chair will heat up, so much so ...that you will jump out of the chair because your seat will be so hot.
*You can only walk backwards (then I have them walk around the room).
*Your shoes are now cute adorable puppies. You will want to take them off and hold and cuddle and kiss your puppies. And puppies do not understand English~you will have to speak to them by barking. (Tami even took off her knee-high boots so that she could cuddle them).
*You are actors in a Japanese rice commercial. You now know how to speak Japanese and can only speak Japanese in the commercial. (I then give them a bag of rice and a microphone—too funny for words.)
*You are a belly dancer and have been training for the last year for a big competition. The competition is tonight. When you hear the belly dancing music you will jump up from your chair and do your best belly dancing. (the guys were fantastic)
*When the show ends ....as you leave the stage....you will DANCE your way back to your table --you will use your sexiest, wildest, craziest dance moves.....the ones that no one has ever seen....the ones you do when no one is watching.
I had nineteen volunteers. The seven I kept on stage were hysterically funny.

really useless information

there is a common belief that when your palm itches it means that you are going to come into some money. well, today the bottom of my foot is itching ..........hey---maybe that means that i will get a new pair of shoes! .....well, probably more likely it means that i will step into cat vomit. (uh oh....i am seeing a theme in my blogs......this is not a good sign).

hypnosis show tonight in brussels! there are 40 reservations so far.........and i have put together one of my best routines yet----lots of surprises........

Chop-Chop!!

Getting a haircut in Belgium is …well...an experience. In the crowded and busy salon one guy washed my hair with cherry-almond scented shampoo and gave me a wonderful scalp massage. Then another guy cut my hair. Then guy number one dried and styled my hair (unfortunately his deodorant had expired hours earlier). Then half-way through the drying and styling he stopped and a girl took over and finished it. Then guy number 2 (the cutter) came back and sprayed some kind of mousse all over in the air above my head. It flew around my head in little bits like confetti. As he sprayed he yelled "Yay!! Obama!!" And after they all finished with this big hair-cutting event, the entire hair salon cheered for my hair! (By the way…the cut was fabulous.)

I’ll drink to that

at my friends' recent wedding in slovenia I was asked to give the toast. if you know me at all you know that it was not a "normal" toast. of course I gave the typical congratulations bit........but the rest was sarcasm and humor~ Tanya-style (involving comments about "kind eyes" and a serial killer). afterwards a British guy approached me and told me that the toast was fantastic and that the delivery and timing were perfect. (I blushed) he then said that I had a job working for him in london anytime I wanted it. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ..........with a crowd of people looking at me anxiously I replied..."a job?....what?--this doesn't involve working in a bar does it? ....one with poles?"

p.s. (no---turns out he works in advertising/marketing and sales--and I haven't quit my current job .....yet)

Bosniaks, Croats, and Serbs...OH MY!

Back from almost 3 weeks in the former Yugoslavia. Went to Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Hezegovina, and Montenegro.

Slovenia: This was our 5th trip here, and it really is one of my favorite places. On this trip we enjoyed going to our friends' wedding (the most international wedding I have ever attended---Brits, Scots, Slovenians, Phillipinas, Austrians, Canadians, Jamaicans......and just us and 2 other Americans). I had the best dessert I have ever had the pleasure of tasting--”Sans Rival”. It is a Phillipino cake and it's now my favorite dessert (which is saying a lot, cuz quite frankly my list of favorite desserts is an endless scroll!) And the town of Bled was so beautiful with the cliff top castle, mist rising up from the lake, and the blazing fall colors burning on the trees. Slovenia is what fairytales are made of.....

Croatia!: It was our first time in Croatia and I was amazed....water the color of emeralds and turquoise.......warm sun every day (we're not in Belgium anymore Toto). The medieval hill towns were surreal--like something from another time---wait....they ARE from another time. ...Palace ruins sitting majestically in the center of the city, inviting you to have a seat on their steps where ancient kings once tromped. Medieval walled stone towns with no cars (what?!). Once you are in, you just hope you can find your way out---like a rat in a maze you make every turn thinking~seems like we were here before. And then there are the ISLANDS.....surrounded by mountains and water that is impossibly colorful and amazingly clear at the same time. You have to pinch yourself to make sure it's not a dream.

Bosnia-Herzegovina: The town of Mostar--so sad and moving. Bullet holes and mortar damage still evidenced everywhere. And that beautiful Mostar bridge--tragically destroyed during the war and then lovingly restored afterwards. This place was the most thought-provoking and beautiful of all the places we visited. It took my vacation mind and swept it back to the harsh realities of our world, to the brutality of war, to the sadness and horror of the battles people fight. Slav against Slav, neighbor against neighbor.......destruction and bloodshed still drape the streets of Mostar. The not so distant sights, sounds, and smells of war still echo there. But in all this horror you can also see the beauty of the people of Mostar--the determination of these people to lovingly rebuild their village and that beautiful fateful bridge. It now stands as a symbol of the harmony of this village that was once destroyed but is now renewed.

Montenegro: A country that has a long and interesting history ---and a country with brand new independence! (2006). This place is shaking off the dust of the war and pushing forward toward a brighter future. With mountains, fjords, aqua-colored bays, lovely stone villages, and little islands with mysterious legends---this new country is unspoiled. We are so lucky to have seen it now, before everyone else discovers it and it becomes overrun by tacky tourism.

my life

I am sound asleep (dreaming of fountains of chocolate, a world without taxes, a life with a smaller ass...) and suddenly Prutske (the white cat) jumps from the bed as if she has been electrified (OK--I know that this is the normal way all cats leap from the bed in the middle of the night when we are sleeping---but this leap was especially exuberant). I am now awake with my face resting on the pillow, facing the wall. I open my eyes slowly. What is that?...that blurry thing sitting there? Ohhhhhhh....it's just Minuit (the black cat). What is he doing? Why is he sitting there like that......staring up at the ceiling and moving his head back and forth? Still in a fog I roll over onto my back and look up. I see a moth fluttering around (not uncommon --- here in Belgium they don't believe in screens and the windows are wide open in the bedroom). Wow --that is a big moth. Wait........that seems way too big to be a moth. (I put on my glasses)...great. It's a bat.  Apparently he mistook my bedroom for the batcave.  So begins the night of chasing a bat through the house and out a window. Of course the cats were no help whatsoever (I tried to point out that a a bat is just a mouse with wings--but since they ignore any mice that venture into the house.... why should this be any different. And let's not forget the squirrel that came in through the window. They practically played with him!) So then this morning one of them (they never own up to who does what) left vomit on my bedroom floor. See---one day I am frolicking on the shores of Croatia.....the next I am cleaning up cat vomit. Life is full of twists and turns. And tomorrow has to be better.......anything is a step up from cat vomit.

three things i am grateful for today:

the color green. today i noticed the trees and the grass seemed so vibrant and at the same time so dark......... the green nearly colliding with the electric blue of the sky. an amazing color... green....almost alive.

my grandma prevo. she was so kind and thoughtful and generous. she was not materialistic. she cared for people. the relationships in her life were most important to her. she always remembered me no matter where i was, no matter what i was doing, no matter how many grandchildren she had. she made me feel special. i hope i am like her in some way.

my tears. without them i would not appreciate my laughter.

you are getting verrrrry sleeeepy.....

i just got home from my hypnosis show at the club on base. i had about 75 people come to see the show. then i had around 17 volunteers, 6 of whom turned out to be the BEST subjects i have ever had. 2 of them literally fell out of their seats they were so far under.....this was my best show ever!

special thanks to carlos (aka elvis) for volunteering to be a subject....for the 5th time!

my thunderstorm

from my email to you~

well, my thunderstorm is a combination of tumultuous thoughts and feelings...
... and yet in the midst of all this there are moments when i am completely overwhelmed by feelings of grace and humility~ simple moments when i feel deep gratitude for being alive. these moments come to me at surprising times--when i least expect them. like the other day when i was coming out of the store where i purchased a few items i needed for dinner with friends.........as i walked to my car with my bag of lettuce, french baguette, and icecream, i was suddenly flooded with feelings of gratitude.......in that moment i suddenly realized how lucky i am to be living a life where food comes easy and i have plenty to share. these feelings were so strong i had tears in my eyes. ...then last night when i went walking i saw a spectacular sunset. there it was..... lavendar, rose, and bright glowing orange....hovering above the wheat fields that shimmered pink in the glow and smelled faintly of fresh bread. and again that feeling swept over me, taking me by surprise. and i was suddenly very aware of how much i value my eyesight, sense of smell, and all my other senses. and how fortunate i truly am.

things to remember........

it is what it is.

be authentic. be yourself. be genuine.

choose to forget and forgive. let it go.

someone else's feedback should not reinforce your own self-doubts.

ask yourself......what is it i am trying to (or want to) master in life?

focus on what really matters to you.

make it happen........otherwise it's just a wish.

purge the negatives in your life.

bind together your successes and carry those around with you.

live your passion.

barry

our parents were close friends. we were born the same year. we grew up together. and we were playmates. i remember us through the carefree, giddy memories of a child... playing games, pretending to be cowboys and indians, playing with your cars, and my dolls....eating candy and icecream.....laughing and having fun always. i don't recall us ever arguing. in fact, when i see your young face in my mind, you are always smiling.

we only knew each other as children. you moved away before we were teenagers. we did see each other one more time...when we were fifteen. i remember those few days that we met again...thinking and feeling that you were so wonderful. during those two short days that we spent together, i knew that we could be great, life-long friends....if only you lived closer. but you had to leave.

and i never saw you again.

i bet you never knew that i have been looking for you over the past 10 years... that memories of you sometimes fluttered through my mind, evoking nostalgia and colorful images that always made me feel young again...that i was hoping i could find you so that we could talk and laugh again. i have been wondering how you are, what you are doing, and what kind of adult you turned out to be.

yesterday i found out that you died.

today i can't stop thinking about you and experiencing alternating feelings of intense sadness...that you are gone and i can never see you again....and overwhelming happiness...that we shared so many childhood moments together.

barry. i will miss you.

the perfect date

it is pouring here. it is so beautiful. and the sound on the roof and windows is almost sleep-inducing. i love this weather (which may explain why i love belgium and have stayed so long). i am sitting in my office at home....looking out at the castle and the forest around it. there is a lovely veil of rain clouding my view.....and it makes everything look softer. a distant rumble of thunder and an occasional, erratic flicker of lightning compete for attention (now we are talking my favorite weather). i want to sit and watch this forever......

she said.....he said

she said: as for me......i am on the edge....of good things....of change....of pain.....of confusion. these feelings are all one really. one feeling that is shattered like a glass--into many...many that lay around in my head, like sharp pieces. (careful where you walk). but it's all good. it's just the way of life.

he said: Watch the head with all that broken glass. Allthough it can bring luck too. Glass cuts two ways.

she thinks: (damn i love that)

Bell ringers on high....

We went to Maastricht (Netherlands) yesterday---for the day. It was a beautiful day and there we were on the town's ancient bridge, looking down the peaceful river at all the boats and people...and suddenly I hear the church bells ringing.....and they are lovely! And they are not just clanging out some random pattern, they are playing a really pretty melody. I am so enjoying it.......watching the boats....feeling the sun on my face and the nice breeze and........wait......what is that song? I know it I'm sure. It's .....it's........what the.......it's Hotel California. what? Hotel California? Yes, it is. Only in Maastricht. (I suppose the bell-ringers had just returned from a nice trip to the local "coffee shop" where hashish is sold and actually listed on the menus)

leggo my ego

ego boosters for today (and let me tell you...i needed them):

in a restaurant. he approaches me and says, "i have to tell you something"
me: um...ok
him: but i have to whisper it in your ear.
me:(cautiously) uh huh
him: (whispering) you are really very beautiful
me: (somewhat embarrassed) what? ..um....well...thank you (now feeling like i am in some kind of harlequin romance novel moment)
him: no, THANK YOU
i walk away face flushed pink

later......driving in my car. a big truck pulls up and begins driving next to me. i look over----he is looking down into my car at me (and my legs...and unlike most belgian guys in trucks....he has all his teeth and in fact he is good-looking). he motions for me to let him cut in front of him. i do and he pulls in front of me, leans out his window and looks back at me.........then blows me a kiss. i smile. later i pass him and he flashes his lights at me. (ok........for those who don't know the belgian road codes, this means "pull over at the next rest stop"......of course i don't)...but i am still smiling.

...and then this morning i awoke to a beautiful lightning and thunderstorm...my bedroom is in the tower of the castle guardhouse and a cool north wind was blowing the long white curtains in the large window. the storm was electric and i enjoyed it for a few moments...

Mercy

and tonight i went walking in the rain. the sky was light grey and the castle was a dark silhouette against it........looking lonely and sad. the rain turned to a mist that felt cool and soft on my skin. and from somewhere i could smell the fragrance of flowers blooming---so strange so late at night. mercy.........

Top Model in Kansas

I am back in Belgium after 5 weeks in the US. Wow! The people in Kansas ARE SO FAT. No---not just fat... HUGE......gigantic.....big-as-a-house size. When I say I saw "plus size" women, I mean women plus-a-bus size. (now having said that let me add that I recently passed by a mirror and thought I glimpsed someone following me---turns out it was just my ass). Oh...and in Kansas I WAS A SKINNY GIRL (and one of the few with all her teeth). I am contemplating moving to Kansas where I would be considered a really hot top model.

Peace

walking in the dark tonight..........for several hours---through the fields...alone
the night sky was black with no moon ........no stars
only three cars passed me and only a handful of houses drifted by...
the smell of woodsmoke and the pungent odor of earth just turned hung in the darkness...
at times --the air--it was silent and still
other times birds stirred in the treetops...and animals scurried in the brush...and once i heard the grinding of a tractor churning late in the fields
i felt the darkness weighing down on my shoulders, as if i was carrying a shoulderbag.....of something.......like hope
my footsteps echoed and my thoughts swarmed around me, like bees...waiting to find just the right place to light.
once back home... after the long walk, i felt the wet heat of my own body clinging to my skin and my face stung as the warmth of the room brought blood rushing to my cheeks
now it's time to sleep .....and go walking with the angels on the other side of midnight

cuz i’m bored of hanging out in your cold

everyone wants to be around you when you are laughing and funny and helpful and upbeat ............but take a close look at who is at your side when you are not having a great day----...when you are feeling down and you find it difficult to smile. who are those friends who help you laugh again.....who don't leave you behind....who aren't too busy...who don't leave you in the dark....

those are the people to keep near to you...they will warm you on even the coldest of days. and you know that you too would venture into the darkness and cold to find them if they were lost out there...alone.

true friends. how many do you have?

Happy New Year

If you read the front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle on Thursday, Dec 15, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

The fifty-foot whale was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her her tail, her torso and a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallone Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her - a very dangerous proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around - she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate in the New Year -to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.